Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/December 8

December 8: Llamas Against China Day, The Death of Metal

• 1000 BCE - A little Chinese prince is holidaying in Tibet. Whilst he was innocently trying to feed a local llama some grain, it viciously bites him. And so begins countless millennia of conflict.
• 684 - Tibetan llamas eat all the grass so that when the Mongolians try to invade there is nothing for their horses to eat. This is the first example of scorched earth tactics.
• 751 - Chinese invade Tibet again. The Chinese strike a deal with the llamas – they will have a singing competition and whoever wins gets sovereignty over Tibet. This is the first instance of the Llama Song. Thousands of Chinese soldiers get nasty nips from vicious llamas in the victory celebrations.
• 1231 - The Dalai Llama seduces the Chinese king, but after they'd been going steady for a couple of months the Llama cheats on him with Kublai Khan. The Chinese king calls the llama a slut and finds a less attractive rebound girlfriend and cries himself to sleep for a month.
• 1567 - The Dalai Llama tells all the other Central Asian leaders that the Chinese king is gay. This does not have the negative connotations that it does in the West so the Dalai Llama also said the king had sex with young boys.
• 1789 - Llama blah blah blah Tibet blah China. Blah blah blah China blah llama. Llama breaks China's grandmother's hip and takes the last bit of cheesecake.
• 1931 - Llama mentions to Emperor Hirohito that China is pretty shit and that he might as well go in and take over. Then he whispered quietly in the Emperor's ear that if any Japanese are looking for easy women, Nanking is the place.
• 1950 - The PRC takes over Tibet, suffering many painful llama bites.
• 1980 - Mark David Chapman, aided by a llama, kills John Lennon.
• 2001 - In a secret coup d'etat the llamas topple the Illuminati, the Skull and Bones Club and the Jews and assume de facto secret leadership of the world. And when China least expects it... POW!!! Right in the kisser with a big llama bite.
• 2003- Llamas take over Wikipedia and use it to take over the world.
• 2005- Jeff from accounting nails your wife in the parking lot at the company Christmas party. A llama gets sloppy seconds.