UnNews:White people criticize black pastor Wright for being resentful towards America
| Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother? | ✪ | UnNews | ✪ | Wednesday, December 4, 2024, 08:39:59 (UTC) |
| White people criticize black pastor Wright for being resentful towards America | 
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17 March 2008
BUMS RUSH, Illinois --After tapes came to light this weekend displaying Senator Barack Obama's (D-IL) pastor proclaiming "God damn America", white people across the country flew into an epic rage.
"How dare he point out America's weaknesses," said proud asshole and Republican Sean Hannity in an interview with UnNews. "He should be scolded and lynched." He considered his statement, paled. "No, no, I don't mean lynch--hey, what are you writing? STOP WRITING!"
Reverend Jeremiah Wright has been Senator Obama's pastor for 20 years, and served on the Senator's Black Jesus Committee (Chickety-check yo'self before you sin). Over tens of thousands of sermons, many righteously ignored by the white Americans reviewing them--specifically the 99% of them talking about loving Jesus and helping the poor--Wright made three controversial statements. Controversial why? Because they made white people uncomfortable.
"I thought Obama was a cool black guy," said white American Bob White. "You know, one of those ones that isn't angry all the time and just smiles, says "thank you" and that stuff. You know, a cool black guy. The kind I'm comfortable with." He pauses and laughs. "I don't like when minorities point out the oppression white people have put them through."
UnNews tried to contact the Clinton campaign for a statement on this current controversy, as they've been exceptionally quiet throughout the entire affair. We received a simple reply: "We'll let the voters decide whether these unacceptable, racist, evil and decidedly black statements should affect whether they should vote for Crackhead McBlack--er, Senator Obama."
More information when it becomes available.