UnNews:US may change Rules of Engagement
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| US may change Rules of Engagement | 
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24 December 2015
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The United States is considering changing its "Rules of Engagement" for combat in the Middle East.
The move comes as the American public is delighted with President Obama's description of the large number of sorties flown in Syria, and relatively uninterested that most of the planes return without finding any target they are allowed to bomb.
Restrictive rules of engagement have been a sticking point for decades, as the U.S. Army has sent J.A.G.s out from cover to dodge bullets and go into hospitals and nurseries to read Taliban gunmen their Miranda warnings. They got worse during the "compassionate conservative" Bush years and have not changed as hoped in seven years of "Hope And Change." In the fight against ISIS, the administration has avoided bombing any tanker trucks in the lucrative ISIS oil business, as the driver might be a civilian and a resulting explosion might contribute to global warming or cooling.
This is increasing in importance, although John Kerry has returned from Paris, as committeemen writing the text of the treaty he negotiated have noticed that it requires pollution levels to fall below zero. The only solution, other than a Rube Goldberg contraption to cleanse the atmosphere of all human influence, is a campaign to force Americans, primarily Red-state gun owners, to emigrate to China, which will not be subject to the new rules. Happily, the unique U.S. tax system keeps them on the hook for payments to the IRS — which, as of this month, can direct Immigration to seize passports of those in arrears.
Officials at the Pentagon have begun internal talks about the changes. The initial emphasis is that the armed forces be even more certain before launching a strike, which is always problematic when one's calling card is complete pull-out from the region. This might involve turning the smoothly functioning Obama-care website into a new website where ISIS truckers could file reports indicating whether there is a small child in the passenger seat who might constitute unacceptable "collateral damage." However, the website would need identification other than a license plate, which would require "boots on the ground" to verify.
Republicans in Congress have different priorities for website designers; they want to "take control of the border" with a system of national work permits to detect illegal aliens, for whom they propose a second immigration system to scold them and disburse benefits (though not if it risks a government shutdown that they might be blamed for).
Along with "zero" civilian casualties and zero pollution, an administration priority for the war is zero hard feelings in the Muslim world.
Sources[edit]
- Kellan Howell "U.S. contemplating changes to rules of engagement in Iraq and Syria". Washington Times, December 24, 2015
- Karl Ritter "Paris climate goals mean emissions need to drop below zero". Associated Press, December 24, 2015