UnNews:Trump wins Oscar for "Best Actor"
| Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother? | ✪ | UnNews | ✪ | Thursday, November 21, 2024, 12:56:59 (UTC) |
| Trump wins Oscar for "Best Actor" | 
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3 March 2016
HOLLYWOOD, California -- Just as Hollywood seemed incapable of capturing people’s imagination, nominations in this year's Academy Awards included artists from the new craze of light entertainment: The U.S. Presidential Election. Donald Trump has won best actor in his class and stands on the red carpet alongside Hollywood greats such as Brie Larson and Leonardo De Caprio.
Like House of Cards, but 100% real, the show is an interactive experience where the audience decides on the best plot and votes for which characters go through to the next season based solely on the sideshow's entertainment value. After several of the lesser thespians dropped out, including Ben Carson with his disturbing Mystery of the Pyramids and Jim Gilmore, improvising with no real script at all; the award came down to Donald Trump with Get the Cabrones, an oversized, surrealistic re-make of Mel Gibson’s Get the Gringo, and Hillary Clinton with Revenge in the Oval Office, a sequel to the other Clinton’s adventures on that same sound stage.
For the first time, and many believe not before time, the 2016 Academy Award for Best Actor went to Trump. The pantomimist started his theatrical career with a humble cameo role in early 2015, as an outsider in the Presidential campaign. The "Wig of Wall Street" has since propelled himself into the A-List, showing some of the most dramatic and fist-biting stagecraft since James Cameron's Aliens shoot-em-up.
The win will feel especially good to Trump as he has been passed over for top honors several times, in what many in the film industry feel has been politics at play. Trump has also achieved recognition as a bona fide candidate for the big prize of four years as President of the United States, getting into the quarter-finals last Tuesday.
Trump’s final epic show will employ a massive cast with hordes of Illegal Aliens, a few tooled-up "Space Marines," almost two-thousand-mile fence-like props and a Titanic ending. Clinton's Political Animals will be much cheaper to shoot (though a lot costlier for the nation, long-term), because Hillary Clinton herself will replace Sigourney Weaver in the lead role as Hillary Clinton; freeing the alien-slayer to shoot on Trump's blockbuster stage.
Viewers should not be fooled into thinking Clinton's race for the line will be any be less dramatic or compelling. Her play-acting has a totally tangible goal: to show America that their greatest self-styled inspirational women are equal to men on Planet Earth too — and just as capable of embarrassing themselves in the global theatre.
The ceremony has been boycotted by some Hollywood figures, protesting the lack of African Americans among this year's candidates, apart from Ben Carson's stellar role as a masochist. ("Somebody please attack me?") It was a criticism that was paralleled in the selection of this year's Academy Award nominees. One group admitted lessons need to be learned in terms of racial equity, and have introduced measures to ensure a proportionate representation in the future (regardless of how crap the acting was). The other group blamed voters.
No matter who won the Oscar, one thing is certain: Tinseltown is in trouble. This year’s best movie was a behind-the-times mockumentary about pedophile preachers, and the best actor was a talentless guy who briefly fought a virtual man-bear-actor and then crawled through mud, moaning for more than two hours. Trump's acceptance speech however paid tribute to Hollywood as in inspiration to his stratospheric rise in the politics-game, and as a big thank you to his fans and supporters, added how much he "loved the poorly educated."
Sources[edit]
- Staff "Oscars 2016: Leonardo DiCaprio finally wins Academy Award". BBC News, February 29, 2016
- Joseph D Lyons "This Donald Trump Quote From Nevada Disturbingly Sums Up His Success So Far". Bustle.com, February 24, 2016