UnNews:Trump throws tantrum over bad-temper accusation

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8 July 2019

Trump reacted in his usual statesman-like manner to being called "a little insecure."

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Donald Trump threw the Oval Office coffee machine at the wall and kicked his desk over after the UK Home Office leaked official reports from the UK Ambassador that he is "bad-tempered and unstable."

Britain's top diplomat in Washington, Sir Kim Starroch, also described White House aides as being uniquely dysfunctional and inept. This forced Sarah Huckabee Sanders to put down Candy Crush just long enough to email her generic press release on fake news.

The leaked cache includes diplomatic telegrams, updating Downing Street on political events in the US and providing commentary on Mr. Trump's foreign policy decisions. They describe how Mr. Trump and Mike Pence resolve differences of opinion on curbing Iran's nuclear weapons program (“starve them” or “bomb them”, respectively) by best-of-three air hockey, with Mr. Trump “accidentally” unplugging the game if it looks as if he might be on a loser. The diplomats note that he unplugged the Iran nuclear deal in 2016 when Barack Obama was on track to a victory.

Darroch’s accusations of wobbly temperaments, diplomatic clumsiness, and dysfunction prompted the UK to insist that the UK’s relationship with Mr. Trump could withstand a little bit of mischievous behavior; not making it clear whether the mischief they were referring to was the leaked memo, Trump’s temperament, or Iran.

Caught by surprise when Mr. Trump went apoplectic — proving nobody in Whitehall bothered to read the memos until after they were leaked — dysfunctional Ministers in the UK are now scrambling to salvage the situation. Foreign Secretary Jeremy Hunt has insisted that “We continue to think that under President Trump, the US administration is not just highly effective, but the best possible friend of the UK on the international stage.” It was not clear whether Mr. Hunt was referring to Mr. Trump's administration, or just his subordinates.

The documents could have given Nigel Farage, Mr. Trump’s friend and ally, an opportunity to take over the post from Starroch. However, the Brexit Party leader said: “From the moment Trump was elected, Darroch was the wrong person to be Ambassador. An open-minded globalist in outlook, he is totally opposed to Mr. Trump’s swivel-eyed, autocratic, far-right nationalism.”

As none of the subject matter in Starroch's correspondence would be a revelation to anybody except Mr. Trump, it seems that, even before Boris "Fletcher Christian" Johnson takes the helm and runs the UK aground on the uncharted Brexit Shoals, mutinous UK ministers and civil servants have torpedoed the US lifeboat. With Theresa May gagged and locked in her cabin, the latest leak may have "sunken diplomacy" on both sides of the pond beyond the salvage of even the most vocal bilge-pumps.

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