UnNews:Those Necrophiliacs Are At It Again!
| Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother? | ✪ | UnNews | ✪ | Thursday, October 31, 2024, 23:05:59 (UTC) |
| Those Necrophiliacs Are At It Again! | 
|
26 June 2008
Your local gravesite - At this very moment, somebody may be having sex with your grandmother... in her casket. These sick fucks need to be stopped. Learn your family values, you disgusting motherfuckers! Go back to listening to your Village People and Donna Summer, and leave the dead stiffsters alone.
You Sicken Me[edit]
For the past twenty-two years, I've had to deal with you necrophiliacs fucking World War II veterans while they suffer feeding the worms. Maybe it even gets to the point where they pull 'break n' enters' on people's homes just to stick their swollen MEMBERS into your great-grandmother's urn. Pardon my slight French, but these grotesque corpse-fornication partakers MUST BE STOPPED AT ALL FUCKING COSTS.
You Disgust Me[edit]
Go ahead...enjoy Aunt Valerie's dry, maggot-filled...umm...how could I say...vagina? So some of you might be saying "This shit is fucking sick", or "What the fuck are you doing up this late kid? It's past your bedtime". But this an issue that must be addressed. It's either that... or going to sleep every night knowing that the really nice guy from the funeral is getting away with corpse-fucking a relatively-close family member. That bastard.
You Make Me Want to Vomit[edit]
So the living just was not good enough for these bastards? They couldn't have sex with women at bars and nightclubs? Nope! They had to go to the town morgue to get some action. It's like some kind of sick porno for sick porno fucks--*ahem* Pardon me. I get a little edgy when I think about the actions being taken at this very moment by these fucking 'necros'. They're just at it again!
How to Stop a Necrophiliac[edit]
- Bring the body back to life.
- Stop listening to the Village People.
- Read Traditional Values.
- QUIT BEING A SICK PIECE OF CARCASS-FUCKING SHIT.
If You Read This UnNews Article[edit]
You're probably fucking a corpse. Congratulations... you sick fuck.
This is UnNews, and I'm signing off of this sick, fucking circus.
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This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent. |