UnNews:Russia launches satellite that might not be a weapon
| Straight talk, from straight faces | ✪ | UnNews | ✪ | Thursday, November 21, 2024, 18:00:59 (UTC) |
| Russia launches satellite that might not be a weapon | 
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26 November 2014
BAIKONUR, Kazahstan -- A mysterious Russian object launched earlier this year has been performing surprisingly harmless maneuvers, prompting some to start panicking that the satellite could be some kind of secret peaceful spacecraft.
The object has been observed cleaning up space debris, polishing and repainting old communication satellites, and broadcasting excuses on behalf of those responsible for the MH17 tragedy.
During the Cold War, Russia initiated its “Bespoleznyy Sputnikov” (“worthless satellite”) project that was designed to fail on purpose, so that Soviet scientists would be praised when it failed instead of being laughed at as usual. Russia scrapped the program in the 1990s after the Soviet Union collapsed. However, Russian military officials have reportedly said that they would revive the project if relations with the US deteriorated. Some are therefore worried that the sanctions the West is currently imposing on Russia due to its involvement in the Ukraine crisis earlier this year have prompted Russia to start researching space weapon mockery once more.
While many Science Fiction fans are enthusiastic about this potential high-tech conflict escalation in outer space, a self-proclaimed Star Wars specialist and mediocre Dr. Strangelove impersonator told the press that we shouldn’t be expecting any forward leaps in space technology, as the only scientists that actually mastered rocket science are now retired.
"Anyway, a satellite that weighs less than five pounds is not a potential danger even if it falls down in somebody’s back yard” he added — “but this could also be the first happy case of a satellite defecting from Russia and refusing to perform the evil activities that it was designed to carry out.”
Sources[edit]
Justine Alford "Mysterious Satellite Sparks Concerns That Russia Has Developed A Space Weapon". IFLSCIENCE, November 24, 2014