UnNews:Peake inspires Brits to run London Marathon from couch

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Every time you think, you weaken the nation —Moe Howard ✪ UnNews ✪ Sunday, December 22, 2024, 08:52:59 (UTC)
Peake inspires Brits to run London Marathon from couch UnNews Logo Potato.png

24 April 2016

Inspired by astronaut Tim Peake, Brits are preparing for a record breaking London Watchathon.

LONDON, United Kingdom -- British Astronaut Tim Peake has inspired millions of UK sports fans to run the London Marathon from their living room sofas today. The ISS high-flyer will be running the marathon himself on a treadmill in orbit, and will officially start the marathon by counting down from ten, as is the fashion among space people.

As Mr Peake is completing the 26.2 mile course while strapped to a treadmill, millions of Britons will join him, aiming for a minimum time of three hours of uninterrupted sofa-time. Couch marathon preparations are already underway throughout the UK, with lager cooling in fridges and local shops getting a mini trade boom in pasties, pork scratchings, and pizza this morning.

In space, the 44-year-old Peake will see the roads under his feet, as he is running from 200 miles above the earth. Travelling at a speed of 17,000 MPH, Peake is in good shape to complete the course in under 4.5 seconds, potentially smashing the current world record, set by Kenyan Wilson Kiprotich in 2014, by an impressive 2 hours 3 minutes and 30 seconds.

Hi-tech is also helping those on earth too. Kev Perkins, a keen armchair marathon runner from West Sussex said: “I have done every London Marathon since the first one in 1981. New technologies that emerge each year are redefining the sport, opening it up to people that wouldn’t have dreamed of having the stamina to watch people run 26 miles a few years ago.

“We have a plethora of data, interactive viewing options and even celebrity gossip. It has been a real help, especially when you hit the ‘wall’ at about the 20-mile mark and start to nod-off. Today, you can just hit ‘live pause’ stand up and stretch out a bit, which is good for your cardiovascular health and prevents deep-vein thrombosis.”

Sofa marathon runners are also being assisted via the RunSocial app. Reams of data collected from heart rate, perspiration and consumption can be collated, presenting the athlete with a personal view of his or her TV time. For example, a smart watch can beep every fifteen minutes to keep the watcher awake, ‘smart socks’ can send information about fungal infections and indicate whether too much pressure is placed on joints while going to the fridge for another Pepperami Wideboy.

Sources[edit]

Retrieved from "https://uncyclopedia.com/w/index.php?title=UnNews:Peake_inspires_Brits_to_run_London_Marathon_from_couch&oldid=5940403"