UnNews:PM getting new plane to fight terrorism

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19 November 2015

David Cameron believes his "air superiority" will show terrorists that life will go on as normal.

LONDON -- Prime Minister David Cameron and senior Conservative Party ministers are to get a new plane to fight terrorism. The aircraft will be an RAF Voyager A330 air-to-air refueling aircraft, retrofitted with soft-furnishings from Barker and Stonehouse and soaps by Molton Brown.

In this week's Prime Minister's Questions, Labour Party leader Jeremy Corbyn focused almost exclusively on the new security measure, in the aftermath of the Paris terror attacks. He asked the Prime Minister continually about the number of “safe seats” available on the aircraft for the shadow cabinet, and reminded him of the statutory requirement to provide a vegetarian meal option.

The SNP's Stewart Hosie said: “There needs to be absolute transparency. The Scottish expect seats to be allocated by proportional representation in this case. We note this announcement comes just a week before the defense spending review, when we expect to hear of further cuts from the Tories."

David Cameron said the move will save the taxpayer £775,000, as first lady Sam-Cam has store vouchers to use before December, a gift from his last “Special Relationship” deal, this time with India. As well as the savings, being in the air will be also safer for the PM and his friends than being on the ground — especially in London, Paris, New York or Scotland.

In Holyrood, Scotland's first minister Nicola Sturgeon was “prepared to listen" to the case for an airborne government. She felt it would be irresponsible not to consider arguments made for doing so, following the Paris attacks. She did caution the Prime Minister, however, that not having enough tartan in the interior furnishings could be a trigger for another referendum.

In Westminster, Corbyn continually pressed Cameron about cuts. The Prime Minister said the problem was that Corbyn and his balalaika-playing campfire mates wouldn't have a clue what to do if confronted by wild-eyed, “Kalashnikov-wielding” terrorists. He said: “we need enhanced security and that is happening with the way that the police are acting here in the UK and elsewhere. But also one of the ways to combat terrorism is for me to move into a ministerially furnished Poppy Fields Collection, by John Lewis refueling plane to show the terrorists that we will not be cowed.”

The PM concluded: “The most important thing is for people to carry on with their lives below us. It’s very important that Eurostar continue to function, even when it is on fire, that the people continue to travel and enjoy London, enjoy Paris and New York. Our best retaliation is retail-iation, and absolutely everyone should be targeting our chaotic "European Christmas Markets" in defiance.

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