UnNews:NOAA reports global noising

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6 March 2016

Microphone man Don Pardo, before he got his tuxedo wet.

MARIANA TRENCH -- Scientists sent a microphone seven miles below the ocean's surface, only to hear something they weren't expecting: Something.

Robert Dziak, oceanographer for the U.S. National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration, said "You would think that the deepest part of the ocean would offer a little peace and quiet. Yet, there is almost constant noise."

The microphone, called a hydrophone, had to be lowered cautiously because, at those depths, the pressure is 16,000 P.S.I. This is so much pressure that you would have bring so many quarters to feed the machine at the corner gas station that the car's tires would burst if not already inflated to that pressure.

Actually, the hydrophone was built to go that deep. However, deceased Hollywood voice-over man Don Pardo, who was holding the hydrophone, with the other hand cupped over his ear, was not, hence the very gradual lowering.

One might argue that putting a hydrophone down there means it was not totally unexpected that there was something to hear, and sure enough, there were sounds of earthquakes, whales, and even a typhoon on the surface.

Also, the whirring of ship propellers. Indeed, man-caused (anthropogenic) global noisemaking, proof that our industrial society "has a role to play" in the annoying and sleep-interrupting sounds heard at the bottom of the Mariana Trench that could be killing the planet.

NOAA, which has as large a 2016 budget as does NASA for creating reasons for the 2017 budget to be larger, said we must identify global-noisemaking deniers, clarify that they are contradicting settled science, get college kids to claim they should not be exposed to such denial, and get college professors to call for deniers to be imprisoned. Then sign a United Nations treaty requiring oil tankers to be converted to sail, taxing the United States, and sending most of the revenue (after administrative expenses) to African dictators if they promise they may use some of it to make their own nations' use of the sea less noisy.

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