UnNews:Mr Bump arrested in bar brawl

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2 February 2015

Mr. Grumpy, Mr. Bump and Mr. Draper negotiate with Fox Animation

DEATH VALLEY, California -- Children’s entertainer Mr. Bump has been taken into custody after a bar fight in Death Valley yesterday. Bump and two other senior Mr. Men were drinking heavily with three top Fox executives, while watching the Super Bowl in a seedy sports bar.

Mr. Bump and Mr. Grumpy brought along latest Mr Man, Don Draper, who recently joined the team in a bid to revive his acting career. Draper was considered to possess the right skills to assist Grumpy and Bump in negotiation with tough business women.

The incident happened at the Corkscrew Saloon, where the Roger Hargreaves legends had closed a deal on film rights with Fox Animation, for the Mr. Men and Little Miss franchise. The group were watching the Super Bowl and drinking together, in celebration of the lucrative contract. Fox Animation is the studio behind the Ice Age and Rio movies.

As the party relaxed while drinking and watching the match between the Seahawks and the Patriots, Mr. Bump introduced the Fox team to a Mr Men version of the hard drinking game Withnail and I; where a treble Jack Daniels is downed after each phase of play.

The trouble started when Fox Animation President Vanessa Morrison, a Patriots fan, said after the final whistle that: “today is a glorious victory for us Patriots over the blues.” Mr Bump suddenly “lost the plot”, marched over to Ms. Morrison and sneered: “feeling Foxy all of a sudden are we sugar?” kissed her on the lips, then poured his drink down her top. Bump then goose stepped over to the end of the table and urinated in her wine cooler.

Bartender John Ham said: “Thought I’d seen it all when I watched a dog shag a rabbit once by the bins; but Mr. Bump pissing in Vanessa Morrison’s wine cooler? That was fucking hardcore. Those Fox women are not to be messed with.”

The other two Executive assistants, Sophia Lucrativi and Katie Loadedi leapt across the table, grabbed Bump, and threw him straight through a plate glass window into the parking lot. Mr Grumpy broke a bar stool over Morrison’s head as she pushed a smashed bottle of liquor into Draper’s face. Lucrativi pulled a claw hammer from her handbag, and then joined Loadedi attacking Grumpy, as the kid’s favourite character threw haymakers at Morrison.

Lucrativi then went out after Mr. Bump who was still unconscious, rifled through his bandages, took his wallet and a concealed lock knife. Bump came to and snatched the hammer off Lucrativi, just as the cops arrived on the scene and broke up the fight.

After taking witness statements, it was agreed Bump was the first to attack and taken into custody. As details emerge, Mr Bump will be facing charges for serious assault, public intoxication and vandalism. He could be facing a jail term too.

Mr. Grumpy remains reluctant discuss the incident, and Mr. Draper is now dating Ms. Morrison.