UnNews:Manchester United hold minute's silence for Robin van Persie

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We distort, you deride

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UnNews

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Thursday, April 25, 2024, 16:42:59 (UTC)

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13 January 2013

this is an actual photo of Robin van Persie. I didn't draw it on Paint, honest.

MANCHESTER, England -- Manchester United, along with the rest of the Premier League, held a minute's silence ahead of their game against Liverpool on Sunday in memory of their striker, Robin van Persie, who was murdered by Ashley Williams whilst playing against Swansea City. In a press conference, Sir Alex Ferguson said 'Robin should never had been killed. Ashley Williams shouldn't even have been on the pitch. He should have been sent off that time Ashley Young fell over at the other end of the pitch. Maybe I should have paid the referee more.'

Robin van Persie died whilst playing against Swansea when Ashley Williams kicked the ball at his head - which, as we all know, is the most effective way there is of killing someone. The Manchester United striker was declared dead 3 hours later, just as Fergie Time was drawing to a close. Ferguson claims that Williams' motive for the murder was that 'everyone who doesn't play for United is evil and even worse than Hitler.'

Players in the Premier League also wore black armbands as a tribute to this 'great' player.

Sources

This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.