UnNews:Indonesia: Tiger For Sale

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Truth doesn't "live here" — It's just camping out ✪ UnNews ✪ Thursday, November 21, 2024, 14:29:59 (UTC)
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22 January 2010

See his sad kitty eyes?[1] HE NEEDS A HOME!!!

JAKARTA, Indonesia – Have you ever wanted a pet? A cute little kitten that purr EVERY SINGLE TIME you scratch his cute little belly? Now you can! For just the price of 1 billion Indonesian Rupiah[2], YOU can own your very own Tiger!!eleven11one!!!

Adopt A Kitty[edit]

NOT a tiger.


The News[edit]

Tigers eagerly awaiting adoption[3]

Yesterday, Indonesian officials put up tigers for sale, saying that tigers in the local area are being hunted to near extinction. Officials say that "We are doing this for the tiger's sake, for conservation. We are not doing it for profit."

Clientèle[edit]

Affluent businessmen and other "special people", claims that they want to buy the tigers due to a psychological defect, which experts have identified as identity crisis. "This idea of "selling" the tigers to the public came about after several wealthy businessmen proposed buying them," said Didi Wuryanto, an Indonesian forestry ministry official. "They don't just want to own horses. They want to be acknowledged as special people with prestige, so they want to keep tigers."

Greenpiece[4] response[edit]

Environmental activists Greenpeace claims that the move was dues to the Chinese in neighbouring Singapore, Malaysia, Philippines, and China celebrating Chinese New Year[1] in about three weeks. According to the Lunar Calender, last year was year of the a Flumph, and the upcoming year will be the year of the Tiger, and the next will be the year of the Grue. Since the year of the tiger is coming soon, a lot of people will want a piece of the tiger[5].

International Condemnation[edit]

None whatsoever.

Sources[edit]

Footnotes[edit]

  1. ↑ Right before he mauls you to death
  2. ↑ Equivalent to a Big Mac anywhere else
  3. ↑ So that they too can taste some soylent green
  4. ↑ Typo intended!
  5. ↑ The greedy tiger, however, wants to keep everything to himself, as a whole is possible.
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