UnNews:Hillary stands with Donald
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|Hillary stands with Donald|
10 December 2021
MAGA-Lago, Florida USA Former Presidential contender Hillary Clinton (HC) has finally admitted that Donald Trump (DT) is right and has announced a stunning reconciliation with her former rival. Since we are still taking Covid-19 precautions, Uncyclopedia have both here in the virtual studio for the interview of the century, if not all time.
UnNews: "Good morning Mrs Clinton and Mr Trump. I'd like to begin with you Mrs Clinton. You have just revealed that you won the 2016 election. How does this fit in with Mr Trump's apparent win in that very election?"
Hillary Clinton: "The realization that I had won came to me as I was watching Donald here telling a rally in the Midwest that he had actually won the 2020 election. I immediately rang him and asked how he could say he won when he didn't."
Donald Trump: "I told Hillary that it was easy. That lawyer Rudy Giuliani said to me, 'You're more important than those dumb voters, right?'. I said, 'Of course I am.'. Then he says, 'Just say you won.'. What a brilliant idea, Hillary, eh?"
HC: "I have to admit that I was a bit embarrassed, because I'm a lawyer, too, and I hadn't thought of it at the time. So I got out my victory speech for the 2016 election and thought, 'Why not?' If I just read the victory speech a few times, all those peple who wanted me to win will believe I won. All they have to do is invade the White House, kick Joe Biden out and hang that smarmy Kamala Harris and Donald and I can just move in."
UnNews: "Do you think that the American people will accept a coup by repetition?"
DT: "The first thing you have to learn is never admit that you're wrong and keep repeating what you said. You'll never sell a hotel or a golf course that way."
UnNews: "Aren't your core values completely opposite? How can you get along together?"
HC: "I think Donald and I are really perfectly compatible at heart. We both know we're better than other people and should be allowed to run the country because of that."
UnNews: "A bit like Xi Jinping."
DT: "Now there's someone who understands democracy. Why this "whole process" democracy idea that he's pushing is the answer to a lot of the problems with democracy as we know it."
UnNews: "So you're going to try to convince the American peple that they're really Communist?"
HC: "Of course not. We're just going to tell them that real Americans believe in democracy and we're going to give it to them."
DT: "That's right. Americans shouldn't accept fake democracy where just anybody can be President. I've been telling them that for quite a while."
UnNews: "This sounds like a radical new way to think of democracy. Which one of you is going to be President?"
HC: "We've decided to go for the Putin Model. One of us will be President one year and then the other one President the next year. So a kind of revolving door presidency with only two sectors in the door. What peple have to realize is that a democracy wtth elections isn't really democracy at all. We have to think up new ways to have democracies where the right people get to run the country."
DT: "We've already sorted that out. There's plenty of well-paid, useless offices of government to be handed out,"
UnNews: "It's going to be interesting seeing you both on the ticket in 2024."
HC: "It's going to be all over before then. We're starting right now, telling everyone that we've already won the race and there's no need to waste time and money on a meaningless election."
DT: "The real problem was that both of us left it too late. I should have just cancelled the 2020 election and declared myself President for life. I'm on to some very influential people about that right now. My advisors say that I can pull it off. With Hillary's help of course."
UnNews: "As we said, this looks like the interview of the century, folks. Stay tuned for our follow-up with Hibatullah Akhundzada and Mohammad bin Salman on how the governments of Afghanistan and Saudi Arabia are really libertarian."
- CNN Business "Hear Hillary Clinton give her 2016 would-be victory speech for the first time". CNN, December 9 2021*