UnNews:Ex-Royals dish serious dirt in Netflix show

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8 December 2022

Once the series is over, Harry and Meghan plan to write a book about it, entitled Harry and Meghan.

HOLLYWOOD, California -- The much-touted first chapter of the Harry & Meghan documentary Harry and Meghan has been released on Netflix. It broadly steered clear of overt half-truths, focusing more on Harry’s rough inner-city family and how Meghan was like, so frickin' scared of them.

Episode One covered Harry’s life as the son of a gangster, who murdered his wife after her affair with Mr Mannakee, Khan, Hewitt, Gilbey, Hoare, Carling, another Khan, Al Fayed and a Kennedy, as well as Brian Adams back in the summer of '69.

Meghan discussed her indoctrination into the firm and the impossibility of continuing a relationship with her doting father, after being told by staff that, if the little rat so much as squeaks, he’ll end up in the Thames wearing a pair of leaded loafers.

However, the Duchess does admit to telling a white lie about Kate, Duchess of Cambridge, during the infamous Oprah interview "in order to protect her". Meghan’s "true" truth was that poor Kate had knocked on the door of Frogmore Cottage asking for coke, having left hers in the barouche.

Meghan said: “Like, I’m going to have a Macy’s handbag full of cocaine just because I’m mixed race… duh! I dunno how she does it; the girl was so out of it on jubilee Thanksgiving day or whatever, she literally shit herself on the balcony! — Mind you, it keeps her weight off, for sure.”

Describing her first encounter with the late Queen, Meghan likened the formality of the royal court as something from medieval times, where bowing and curtseying were “a big deal”.

“There was a jester with really bad teeth, wearing a hat with bells and waving a ball on a stick around. In the corner was this kid playing the harp and Charles was showing Prince William how to hide a flintlock in his cassock… He’s such a jerk. But, I mean, geez, Americans love this stuff...We have Medieval Times, Dinner and Tournament in Chicago. It's the same thing but with great cutlery.”

British and American subjects will be eager for the next installment, where Meghan tells the Queen her tiara sucks, and Harry dresses in an adult nappy and pretends to breastfeed.