UnNews:England may be next to secede from UK

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22 September 2014

English Parliament campaigners have been keen to point out the horrific abuses of power incurred on the English people.

WESTMINSTER, England -- The success of last week's Scottish referendum in provoking more powers for the Scottish Parliament has produced a groundswell in England, which for 300 years has had no parliament except the national one. William Hague, who lost his portfolio as Foreign Secretary in Cameron's last party purge, gave himself a new one, that of pointing out that the English, the founders of democracy, had no self-determination inside the UK. Hague resolved to stand up for the English after being sat down by Cameron, and demanded that they be given equal status to the Scots, Welsh and Northern Irish.

Not-so-fellow fellow English Parliament supporter Nigel Farage declared, "The Government of 1707 surely did not intend to sign away England's rights! Maybe if we could have made our own decisions, rather than bureaucrats in Westminster, Bradford wouldn't be so infested by immigrants, windmills, high-speed trains and fracking sites." The lack of democracy for the English has been compared to a 1984 Stalinist world, presumably because the last time England did have self-determination, there was more sex in use in county nomenclature.

Westminster's discussions, formerly on continued devolution of Scotland, have now completely ignored their original purpose and taken a turn to focus on the deprived English instead. Alex Salmond himself has commented that the Westminster MPs backstabbed the No Campaign in the Scottish Referendum by failing to live up to their promise of continued devolution. MPs have disputed this claim, stating that when David Cameron waved a Scottish flag outside Number 10 recently, Scots achieved far more self-determination than the Scottish Parliament could ever do.

These discussions could result in the creation of an English Parliament, which would remove all the decisions made on England from the UK Parliament as well. The UK Parliament itself would be left to focus on more important matters, such as preparing for "Prime Minister's Pantomime" and reminding the Labour Party that they could have had David Miliband instead.

Supporters hope that an English Parliament would inspire people to care about local politics, just as introducing voting on Police Commissioners in England and Wales inspired schoolteachers to let their kids count the votes on one hand. In addition, Mr Hague believes that the creation of an English Queen to reign alongside the British Queen could produce a level of cat-fighting that will revive public interest in civics.

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