UnNews:Enda Kenny hits the road for career as Irish Traveller

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother? ✪ UnNews ✪ Thursday, November 21, 2024, 14:56:59 (UTC)
Enda Kenny hits the road for career as Irish Traveller UnNews Logo Potato.png

1 March 2017

Kenny shares the mobile home of an original Irish Travellers family on his way to Tipperary, where he'll attend a tinker workshop that might truly improve his government style.

DUBLIN, Ireland -- Enda Kenny, Taoiseach (that is, head honcho) of Eire, has followed his official declaration to give legal minority status to Irish Travellers (that is, gypsies) with a decision to become a member of that minority. He stated that becoming a minority will help him administer his minority government, as his party is in a coalition with the so-called Epic Fáil.

Kenny already had a mobile phone and is acquiring a mobile home to hit the road and get acquainted with other members of his adopted minority.

Travellers have tirelessly pursued ethnic status, unsuccessfully until now. They say the delay has reinforced the "mistrust, marginalisation, and overt discrimination" under which Travellers live. Kenny said he often feels the same marginalisation, whether just after calling his constituents "whingers," making punching gestures as women address the Parliament, joking about the "niggers," or authoring pay cuts, and this makes him a natural kin of the Travellers. He promises to travel all over Ireland, occasionally stopping at private homes to offer to repair pots and pans. He will pay roaming fees for txt mssgng to government ministers, though the Travellers are not related to the Romani.

The Irish Council for Civil Liberties and several United Nations bodies had pushed for the legal minority status. It follows official recognition as an "ethnic group" (defined by culture, language, religion, and traditions) for carnival hands, cross-dressers, and white rappers. Travellers will be entitled to a special range of government benefits, and to grumble that they did not achieve official recognition before those other groups.

The United States is still in the lead regarding recognition of its ethnic minorities. As well as the First Amendment, which gives vagabond-Americans the right to block busy intersections and beg for cash, the landmark Obama-care bill made legal minorities of basement-dweller-Americans, giving them the legal right to stay on their parents' health care until Mom stops sending pizza downstairs and they have to find a place of their own.

Sources[edit]

Retrieved from "https://uncyclopedia.com/w/index.php?title=UnNews:Enda_Kenny_hits_the_road_for_career_as_Irish_Traveller&oldid=5974723"