UnNews:Climate Change was Faked

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Straight talk, from straight faces ✪ UnNews ✪ Saturday, December 21, 2024, 18:59:59 (UTC)
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25 January 2010

"The climate will change when fart-jet propelled, beanie-wearing elephants fly", say global warming skeptics.

ALL OVER THE WORLD, Here Specifically -- In a surprising turnaround from previous stance, climate change expert are now admitting that they were wrong. Today Yesterday Some time ago this week, claims that the Himalayan glaciers will disappear by 2035[1] were found to be untrue. IPCC's resident chair[2], Rajendra K. Pachauri was quoted saying:

“ There’s been this error, but that in no way detracts from the value of the report or the impact it has had. Rational people see the larger picture and are not going to be distracted by this one error. ”

Jean-Pascal van Ypersele[3], vice-chair of the same organization added that other popular claims, such as "Climate Change Flood My Home", "Global warming did Katrina", "Global Cooling Is Racist", and "Global Warming did 9/11" will be taken down from. He said:

“ We are reassessing the evidence and will publish(sic) a report on natural disasters and extreme weather with the latest findings ”

Other sceptics, keen to pounce on the IPCC's claims, found out that the research that IPCC based their claims upon was published with the following caveat: We find insufficient evidence to claim a statistical relationship between global temperature increase and catastrophe losses. But they went ahead and used it anyway.[4]

With many experts claiming that Global Cooling[5] is actually taking place, the credibility of IPCC is constantly decreasing.

Proponents of climate change are not available for response, as they are being treated for hypothermia following the coldest winter in decades in UK.[6] This spate of near suicidal behaviour follows the following claim:

“ I'm not going' ta peh £125.00 nae includin' Vee-Aye-Tee fer a pair of warm skivvies. The bloody world is goin' ta frie like ah plaet o' 'taters, so I'm gonna stick ter me undies for this winta. And if yer smarter than yer loooks then yer goin' ta beh do'in' tah saem. ”

So, there you have it. Global Warming was faked, albeit more expertly than you girlfriend's orgasm.

Footnotes[edit]

  1. ↑ Climatologist weren't that keen on the 2012 deadline
  2. ↑ Yes, his main job is being shat on by the rest of committee...
  3. ↑ Yeah, try to pronounce that bitches
  4. ↑ On the same note, every time a pro-wrestler trash talks, people die!!!
  5. ↑ My heating bill went up, in higher proportion than the global temperature is rising. What gives? It's getting frkn colder![Citation not needed at all; thank you very much]
  6. ↑ In fact, it was so cold baboons had to eat hot potatoes[Citation not needed at all; thank you very much]. I have no idea why they would keep holding on to it, but I usually pass it on to the next chap.

Sources[edit]

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