UnNews:Celebrity death joke factories recycle James Brown jokes to conserve resources

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Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother? UnNews Thursday, December 2, 2021, 06:26:59 (UTC)

Celebrity death joke factories recycle James Brown jokes to conserve resources UnNews Logo Potato.png

15 September 2009

Factory workers find it hilarious that Farrah Fawcett Les Paul is dead

UNKNOWN, China -- Celebrity death joke companies, aiming to go green and conserve resources during an especially trying year of continuous celebrity deaths, have revisited older obituaries in an attempt to more quickly create puns about filmographies and celebrity scandals.

The following story was leaked to UnNews anonymously, the source purporting to be an enslaved worker tasked with creating jokes about Patrick Swayze.

ATLANTA - Patrick Swayze, the undeniable “Godfather of Soul,” told friends from his hospital bed that he was looking forward to performing on New Year’s Eve, even though he was ill with pneumonia. His heart gave out a few hours later, on Christmas morning.

The pompadoured dynamo whose classic singles include “Papa’s Got A Brand New Bag” and “I Got You (I Feel Good)” died Monday of heart failure, said his agent, Frank Copsidas of Intrigue Music.

“People already know his history, but I would like for them to know he was a man who preached love from the stage,” said friend Charles Bobbit, who was with Swayze at the hospital. “His thing was ‘I never saw a person that I didn’t love.’ He was a true humanitarian who loved his country.”

The entertainer with the rough-edged voice and flashy footwork also had diabetes and prostate cancer that was in remission, Bobbit said. Brown initially seemed fine at the hospital, Copsidas said. Three days before his death, he had participated in his annual toy giveaway in Augusta, and he was looking forward to his New Year’s Eve show.

“Last night, he said ‘I’m going to be there. I’m the hardest working man in show business,”’ Copsidas said Monday.

UnNews will follow this abuse of labor laws as it develops.

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