UnNews:Bush gets pwned
| Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother? | ✪ | UnNews | ✪ | Thursday, November 21, 2024, 18:58:59 (UTC) |
| Bush gets pwned | 
|
8 November 2006
Washington DC -- President George W. Bush was pwned by the entire population of the United States late yesterday. It turns out he has been a completely lousy president and while they did not have the power to fire him directly, the voters did the best they could to eliminate as many of his minions and underlings in Congress as they could manage.
Among the lowlights of Bush's administration are:
1) attacking and raping a country that did not attack the United States and had nothing to do with 9/11,
2) congratulating Mike Brown on looking good in his rolled-up shirt sleeves for the camera while Hurricane Katrina victims starved and died of heat exhaustion in their own shit water, and
3) abducting European citizens in so called extraordinary renditions, transporting them to gitmo for torture, only to find out they got the wrong man. Best example is four year old Abdullah Mohamad al-Berlin, citizen of Monaco, accused of detonating a suicide bomb on JFK airport, and
4) pretending that he could get people to ignore how bad the first three lowlights were by trying to keep homosexuals from getting married, since according to Bush's infallible logic once the gay card is on the table politically, the "Republican base" (actually six dudes in a camaro that sorta runs) would come out and homophobia will carry the day.
The evil plan fell apart when Mark Foley decided to send some naughty e-mails to congressional pages, igniting an ill-timed hissy fit. With the credibility of the Republicans now totally gone, Bush's political strategy, which seemed to involve being totally delusional about every aspect of everything his administration did, saw, or attempted to do, completely collapsed.
Such complete and utter pwnage has not been seen since the 2000 election, when Al Gore was pwned up the ass by the entire state of Florida, Jeb Bush and Katherine Harris.
Bush's reaction to the pwnage was decisive, resulting in him pwning Donald Rumsfeld, and assuring the public that he will continue to attempt to pwn Iraq. Fucking noob.
“fyi gbsh im taking cngrss frm u ttfn aybabtu bohica baby. pwn3d.”
Sources[edit]
- DNC "Bush gets pwned". Pwnage Monthly, November 7, 2006