UnNews:Bush: God Must Lay Down Weapons of Mass Destruction

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5 December 2006

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George Bush threatens God with a warm pretzel.

WASHINGTON- President Bush today asked Congress for the authority to use "...all means y'all determine to be appropriate, including force," to disarm Heaven and dislodge God from his throne in an attempt to put a stop to costly recurring "natural" disasters.

Bush warned of God's enormous cache of Weapon of Mass Destruction. "He's got hurricanes, tornadoes, floods, tsunamis, asteroids from space, uh... uh... volcanos, blizzards, earthquakes, slow-moving glaciers, uh... you know. All kinds of stuff like that."

Bush hopes to replace God's regime with a democratic coalition representing all of the celestial sphere's various residents, including seraphim, cherubim, clougybim, assorted ethnic subcultures of angels, and the souls of the departed.

Bush added that he had the Air Force and Navy on Ready Alert, prepared to send up planes for a pre-emptive attack if deemed necessary.

''"If the United Nations Security Council won't deal with the problem, the United States and what's left of our friends will. I think New Zealand thinks we're okay. And a couple of those little piss ant South American countries, maybe."

Added Bush, "I am prepared to send every U.S. soldier to Heaven, if that's what it takes to get the job done."

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This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.