UnNews:British holidaymaker wins compensation

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30 May 2008

"Waiter! Get this f**king dirty white pig off my chair before I run him through!"

WHEN PROUDLY RACIST BUSINESSMAN David Koon treated his family to a holiday at a luxury resort, he was soon dismayed to find their hotel dominated by "bloody coloureds!". But it wasn't the abundance of "jungle beat shouty music" and "drive by uzi massacres" which was to spoil the family's fun, it was the fact that the "blacks" were by the main "thoroughly nice people" and were "a pleasure to be with whilst lounging by the pool or socialising in the beach bar of an evening".

Mr Koon was also dismayed to make several new friends who were dark as night yet who he and his family intend to stay in touch with, "my pre-conceptions of these people as savages, cannibals and voodoo witch doctors has been shaken to the core", he said to Unnews this morning, "I am thoroughly ashamed of my bigotry. I did NOT come on holiday to see the error of my ways and as such I shall be seeking compensation".

Mr Koon told of his delight after a judge awarded him a lifetime supply of linseed oil as compensation from the tour operator after agreeing that the firm's brochure had mislead him by failing to make clear that the hotel mainly catered for gangster "rude boys" and their ilk. The self-employed slave-runner had paid almost £4,000 to take his family, on a week-long holiday to Somalia last August.

A spokesman for the operator said: "We are sorry that Mr Koon took exception to having his eyes opened to his narrow minded bigotry and that he has made firm friends with a number of Nigerians and Sudanese."

Mr Koon however drew a line at befriending a French family at the hotel, whom he had cursed in a voodoo ritual this morning.