UnNews:Boris Johnson in dispute about soft furnishings

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28 April 2021

The Brothel Chintz style

LONDON, United Kingdom -- British Prime Minister Boris Johnson is fighting for his political life in an argument about who funded his house decor recently. The combative Johnson has defended his and girlfriend Carrie Symonds' decision to make their home look like a waiting room to a Turkish brothel.

"As I have often said, I have Turkish ancestors," said Johnson in a debate in the House of Commons. "What better way to celebrate than to show people that I am not a simple nationalist Brexiteer but that I am proud of my mixed heritage? We're going to have plates of Turkish Delight, kebabs of roasted Australian lamb and gallons of good old British lager beer to wash it down. For those who don't have to go back to their wives, we'll be laying on a few dancers as well, though not Jennifer Arcuri. I am sure my fans will celebrate with me, just as long as they pay £50,000 to my personal charity, 'Bung Boris a Bundle.'"

Boris Johnson and girlfriend Carrie Symonds.

The refurbishment saw the throwing out of a load old furniture left behind by former Prime Ministers David Cameron and Theresa May. The style of the Johnson-Symonds makeover hasn't been universally popular but it is cheering up Britons who like the gaudy sub-Louis XIV style of extravagance.

Turkish entertainment for some.

Labour Party leader Keir Starmer has called the new look Downing Street a "disgrace" and "a kick in the head" for all people who prefer to use IKEA to furnish their homes. He contrasted the "Johnson Sleaze" style with good, plain-speaking British retailer John Lewis.

"I say to the British people, this is the best way to cheer up after Coronavirus. We all need a break from the depression and gloom," added Johnson. "Now excuse me as I look for an Ottoman to sleep this off."