UnNews:Biden asks governors to lead nation out of mess

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Straight talk, from straight faces ✪ UnNews ✪ Saturday, December 21, 2024, 17:45:59 (UTC)
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12 July 2014

As none of the Governors are paraplegic, the Vice President did not have to worry about telling anyone to "stand up and take a bow."

NASHVILLE, Tennessee -- Vice President Joe Biden called on the governors of the U.S. states to "lead the nation out of this mess we're in" during the National Governors Conference here.

At last check, Mr. Biden's boss was responsible for leading the nation out of any mess, as well as probably for getting it into the mess, but was busy shooting pool with Colorado governor John Fluffernutter. Political pundits debated whether Mr. Biden was unaware of the American constitutional order, or was deliberately playing the Vice President's usual role of insurance against impeachment of the President.

It was equally unclear which mess Mr. Biden meant. He did mention the exhaustion of the federal Highway "Trust" Fund. Road repair has been put on hold as money has gone for sculptures, sound barriers, painting over vandalism on sculptures and sound barriers, and conversion of farms into remediation swamps to apologize to the planetary Pachamama for driving in the first place. Mr. Obama has called for higher taxes on gasoline, emphasizing his signature promise that "you won't see a dime of new taxes," because they are included in the pump price.

Mr. Biden could have been referring to the mess at the border, where thousands of child refugees from El Humidor have streamed into the U.S., including hundreds of children with grey hair and Islamic prayer rugs. His boss has asked for $2,000 $3,800 million to lead the nation out of this mess in the usual way, by hiring more judges and lawyers. House Speaker John Boehner attached conditions that Democrats call unacceptable, but George W. TARP proved that money doesn't have to be spent on what Congress specifies, and Mr. Obama has said he doesn't need Congress at all. Mr. Boehner's gambit resembles an attempt to use the "Power of the Purse," but Republicans abandoned that last year so as to not be accused of shutting down the government, which might detract from their plans to "capture the Senate in 2014." They are currently suing Mr. Obama in hopes that a judge will order him to play fair and be nice.

Mr. Biden could even have been referring to the mess of a nation at peace growing a $15,000,000 million debt, without even the credible excuse of being Greece. Or the mess of America withdrawing from the world and snubbing its allies as a caliphate forms with access to WMD that wasn't supposed to exist. Nobody knows. "We're looking to you," Mr. Biden told the Governors. "Continue to teach us a lesson by getting along with one another."

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