UnNews:Biden apologizes again

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6 October 2014

Whoops! I did it again!

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- U.S. Vice President Joe Biden apologized again, this time to Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan.

In a speech to Harvard on Thursday, Biden had said that Erdogan had admitted mistakenly assisting Islamic State extremists. The Turkish Foreign Ministry here clarified that Erdogan did not admit any such thing. Erdogan himself angrily denied any such intention, adding that Biden would become "history to me." The Republican Party scrambled to deny that Erdogan's remark was an endorsement of Biden as President in 2016.

Biden on Saturday gave the customary politician's apology to Erdogan, that Biden regrets any displeasure in the unlikely case that Erdogan unwisely inferred that Biden's words actually meant what they said.

White House spokesman Josh Earnest described the conversation between the two statesmen, successfully avoiding any questions about why the U.S. depended in the first place on corrupt foreign regimes to pick among several competing outlaw militias to receive free weapons of war to destabilize a foreign tyrant (who, between stadium executions, was usually doing what the U.S. wanted) and relied on them to return the arms when the coup was complete.

On Sunday, Biden telephoned Mohamed bin Zayed, crown prince of the emirate of Yabba Dabba Do, another country Biden had claimed armed extremist groups linked to al-Qaeda. The Y.D.D. was exasperated and requested a formal clarification, to which the Vice President replied, "Sure, pal."

Staunch U.S. ally Saudi Arabia was neither implicated nor issued an apology. The Saudi crown prince had no comment but said he was instead focused on promoting Wahhabi beheadings as an Olympic demonstration sport.