Tinkle-down economics
“Basically, if you give Ronald Reagan lots of beer, enough will tinkle down to water the lawn.”
“I'll give any ex-President as much beer as I can get, provided I have the benefit of it first.”
The tinkle-down effect, also known as tinkle-down economics, is a central part of the wider theory of supply-side economics as applied by Ronald Reagan. This theory explains that the more money people give to these followers, the better off everybody is. The theory also works in reverse, the more money you take away from followers of supply-side economics, the more quickly civilization will crumble leaving all of humankind without electricity, government, water, and air. All the land will become infertile and all of the crops will wither. Humans will begin to devolve back into apes, or at least revert back to the Stone Age within five years. So as you can see, if you just give me my money back it’ll all be ok and nobody will have to get hurt.
Theory[edit]
The basic premise of the tinkle-down effect is that money given to rich people eventually tinkles down to the middle-class and to the lower classes, because people who are richer than God spend amazing quantities of money on stupid things, which, generally speaking, involve getting people who aren't rich to humiliate themselves in exchange for money. This entertainment value of this cannot be overstated, as absurdly rich people rarely get bored. Other examples of tinkle-down economics exist, but seeing as the only two categories of people who could be reading this are “the rich” and “those who want to be rich” we aren’t going to tell you, because you either already know, or we don’t want you to.
For relatively braindead people, the standard way to get rich is the old-fashioned way, namely inheritance. The observation that these people find amusement in especially uncreative forms of lower-class humiliation, often involving urination, lead to the term tinkle-down effect. Thus the term “tinkle-down” literally means that the poor have the honor of taking what the rich consider to be less than worthless. Obviously, the poor and middle-class don’t enjoy being thought of as “piss takers,” good thing nobody cares what they think.
History[edit]
While the general concept that everyone benefits by giving rich people money to spend on stupid things is at least as old as supply-side Jesus, the origin of the specific term tinkle-down effect is believed to trace to a speech by Ronald Reagan. In any case it is most closely tied to Reaganomics, and was initially used to justify such things as tax cuts for the wealthy as well as government-funded Olympic swimming pools filled with Jello for every member of Congress. Later it was used to justify buying lots and lots of missiles, then buying a real working Death Star just for kicks, and then ultimately it was invoked to justify giving almost all the money to Reagan so that he could tinkle down on everything himself.
In recent history tinkle-down economics have been used by George W. Bush to try and stimulate the down-turning economy. As you no doubt know, tinkle-down economics did exactly what the United States needed. Instantly the housing market boomed as people began to buy up second, and even third, homes. Unfortunately, due to some irresponsible banking practices by a number of banks, and an extremely large number of poor people, the housing market took a very slight, almost negligible, down-turn. This extremely minor dip caused a lot of the so called “experts” to freak out and tell everyone else to stop investing in housing. Before the rich could put their vast amounts of money to work fixing this problem President Obama began to tax the living shit out of them, leaving them helpless to help those less fortunate than them.
All the more reason to be rich then right?[edit]
Actually, even though it seems like being rich would be the solution to all of your problems really your problems would be just beginning.
The first main problem with being rich is that you never know what to do with all your money. No matter what you do you always have made more money in the time it took you to spend it. Did you just book first class tickets to India? Well by the time you get there you’ve already made enough money to pay for it. What’s that? Your plane lands on top of the Taj Mahal? Well that’s great but in the time it takes to get a plane out of the Taj Mahal you’ve made enough money for that too.
The second problem faced by rich people is the requirement to save the poor people from themselves. Of all these problems this should be the one most familiar to you. You know, you poor and middle-class are always begging the rich for their money and we feel obliged to give it to you out of the goodness of our hearts.
The last problem of being rich is the fact that some of those money-grubbing poor become rich too! It’s completely unthinkable! Some of them become rich in those made-for-Hollywood-rags-to-riches-stories-that-were-old-when-they-first-began stories. However, some make it on luck alone through the lottery of all things! Unbelievable.