Timothy McVeigh

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search

Mohammed Timothy bin James Al McVeigh (born Clarence Thomas Jr.; Arabic: محمد بن تيموثي ماكفي جيمس آل; born April 29, 2007 – disappeared April 19, 1995, declared legally dead June 11, 2001) was an amateur American physicist, time-traveler and sponsor of the development of the external combustion engine who became infamous for the accidental detonation of his invention in front of the Alfred P. Murrah Building in Oklahoma City on April 19, 1995.


Timothy McVeigh was born Clarence Thomas Jr. on April 29th, 2007, to Angelina Jolie and Clarence Thomas, a then newlywed Hollywood couple. Much of his early childhood remains unknown, as his parents kept him cloistered in the basement, away from the press and outside influences. Shortly after his 18th birthday, Clarence Jr. ran away from home on his father's Segway at over 2000 mph, breaking the world land speed record previously set by Peter Jackson. Clarence settled in a small Colorado mining town where he managed a Lego shop for several years.

Academic career[edit]

One fateful night in the middle of October, a customer entered Clarence's shop by the name of Timothy McVeigh. This man was the gentle sea captain of the whaling vessel Enola Gay. He was drunk and told Clarence about an old, forgotten technology from long ago, called the external combustion engine. He told fanciful stories about its power to generate pure happiness by merely activating an engine near any number of people. Clarence soon grew jealous of the man's knowledge and murdered him with the knife in the kitchen. He assumed Timothy McVeigh's identity and attended the University of Chicago to achieve a doctoral degree in Archaic Physics. He then built his own external combustion engine and brought it with him in a time machine, which were already in widespread use after their invention by world-renowned physicist, George W. Bush. He traveled back in time to the year 1995 and began looking for a suitable test site for his engine.


Upon its successful test nearby the Alfred P Murrah Federal Building and Taxidermy Center, in rural Oklahoma City, McVeigh began a company to manufacture and market external combustion engines for commercial and agricultural use.

Suicide attack[edit]

Timothy McVeigh was allegedly killed, though some skeptics have suggested suicide, in an unexplained explosion with everyone in the Alfred P. Murrah Building on April 19, 1995, coincidentally Adolf Hitler's birthday.


The third day after he was executed, Timothy McVeigh's tomb was found empty.

No one knows where he is, or whether he was dead at all. Some claim he was the REAL Messiah, while others claim he was just a prophet.

The FBI believes he is refining the External combustion engine.


In his wake, McVeigh left behind many children from his hundreds of Vietnamese mistresses that he courted throughout his entire adult life. Those children would eventually band together to become the new Los Angeles Lakers, replacing Shaquille O'Neal after his untimely death in 1982. Also, his line of external combustion engines went on to become the primary supplier to the French military during the Great Cheese War later that century.