The Box

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An artist's rendition of "The Box"
The Box Ghost goes after (and possibly worships) The Box.

“Da Box Rulez, #1”

~ Oscar Wilde on The Box

“Your Mom, #1”

~ The Box on Oscar Wilde

The Box (a.k.a Da Box or El Boxo ) is a famed location where people get together to enjoy fine cigars.


The Box's sacred origin was originally shrouded in mystery, until 3000 A.C., when Ultra Jesus discovered a sacred stone tablet in the Bermuda Triangle that spoke of its creation. Since, it has been common knowledge to all, and children learn its history in kindergarten.

The Box first came into existence in -500 A.C. when it was hand forged by Oscar Wilde back in his wilde days, when he went by the name Roger. Named after his good friend John D. Thebox, it was built in the snowy tundra of Rochester in upstate NY. It took 200 th... thousand years to forge The Box, and during this time, its creator became fond of making profound observations. When The Box was finally finished, people from all over came to marvel in its presence and smoke cigars.


The Box is a 6-sided gemoetrical shape, constructed seemingly of 6 squares propped up against each other at serially parallel angles. The Box is constructed of an allow consisting of 5% steel, 15% plutonium, 8% Darth Feta, 12% Spanish Cedar, 50% Vermont maple syrup, and 10% Tofu. The Box appears a shiny grey in color, measures approximately 3' x 3' x -3' and can be seen from a distance of 8 miles.

An actual photograph of The Box, displaying its majesty

Majesty of the Box[edit]

Scholars have studied the majesty effect of the box for years, with no results, but they believe the effect is caused by those kittens you have killed. Recent history of The Box's early days late in the 10th century pre-A.C. include its involvement in the starting of 6 wars, christianity, atheism, lesbianism, european football, Jane Fonda, and the number 616.


~ Someone who has become catatonic upon viewing the majesty of The Box


For some reason, The Box had a singing career. All of The Box's albums have sold a combined 68 copies.

  • All Hail The Box (1996)
  • How Can A Box Sing? (1999)
  • I am a Box! (2001)
  • Gangster The Box! (2003)
  • All Hail The Box!! (2005)

Fans of The Box[edit]

The following people have been known to enjoy the comforts of The Box:

See Also[edit]