Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/September 29

September 29th: International Talk Like a 12th Century Finnish Cobbler Day

• 4004 BC - Adam and Eve work out that nudity is no longer fashionable. (pictured)
• 2987 BC - The Almighty Creator of the Universe steps away from the podium momentarily, and returns to find his most beloved followers enslaved to cat-worshipping pyramid fetishists.
• 46 CE - Pigs lose their wings, rendering them unclean to Jews whose children always fought over pig wings but never pig drumsticks. Matzoh ball soup would never be the same.
• 906 - Sauerkraut is invented by Germanic tribes. Street vendors will have to wait 200 years before Frankfurt comes up with frankfurters and Wien (Vienna) invents wieners, so they improvise and sell sauerkraut as Christmas tree decorations.
• 1144 - After careful study, it is found all Finnish cobblers talk like Finnish cobblers. Meanwhile, the rest of Finland decides to talk like pirates, leading to war with Russia.
• 1733 - Finnish cobblers are mortified to find they were supposed to be making shoes all these years instead of cobblestones. Manolo Blahnik leads them in the wilderness for 40 days and nights and returns with pointy-toed shoes for all.
• 1960 - Nikita Khrushchev does his best impression of a Finnish cobbler by pounding his shoe on the speaker's podium at the United Nations. A family of rats would later move in, representing the tiny Republic of Togo.
• 1973 - Forrest Gump visits the White House. President Nixon signs a trade agreement with him, thinking Gump is a Finnish dignitary.
• 1990 - The US's YF-22, a supersecret spy plane, does not fly for the first time and certainly not over Russia.
• 1991 - Primitive internet customers experience the first cases of regret after clicking hyperlinks, as images of a man with years of experience behind him circulate.
• 2004 - The asteroid 4179 Toutatis debates with itself about whether the Solar system really needs earth.