Schnappi, das kleine Krokodil

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Schnappi, that clean crocodile

Schnappi, das kleine Krokodil is a song by the German group Rammstein that is now the new anthem of the European Union.

It features the adventures of Schnappi, a very happy little Crocodile. The Council of Europe chose a German song, because Germans are world-famous for their humor. EU staff believe that Schnappi was originally created by a Wehrmacht officer as Sonderschnappgerät 2 (Ssg2) to disturb the British during World War II. Sonderschnappgerät 2 never saw action in the war and was just recently re-invented as the less-military sounding "Schnappi."

So Schnappi is basically a Nazi crocodile that sings about how he came from ancient Egypt and wants revenge on its people for sacrificing him to Ra, the Sun God. He takes his revenge by singing a song that is catchy at first but becomes increasingly annoying and begins to take over your mind, transforming you into a Nazi Crocodile Zombie. There was also a Playstation game about him, it sucked.


The original German lyrics are as follows:

Ich bin Schnappi, das kleine Krokodil
Komm aus Ägypten, das liegt direkt am Nil
Zuerst lag ich in einem Ei
dann schni, schna, snappte ich mich frei

Schni Schna Schnappi
Schnappi Schnappi Schnapp
Schni Schna Schnappi
Schnappi Schnappi Schnapp

One sees, from the boldfacing above, bin-Laden coded into the German lyrics.

The rough English translation is as follows:

I am Schnappi, the little Crocodile
Come from Egypt, that's directly at the Nile
At first I was living in an (crocodile) egg
then I sni, sna, snapped myself free
sni sna snappi
snappi snappi snap
sni sna snappi
snappi snappi snap

Here again, Da Vinci is coded in the English lyrics. Uncanny!

This "anthem," then, is nothing more than a coded message of terrorism; the Jihadists who seek to trample Western society using its guileless rituals to plan their works of treachery. Faithful citizens who sing the European anthem at the start of public meetings will, unwittingly, be helping the terrorists communicate their plan for their next attack.

Top EU scientists (those who could be pulled off the task of documenting the global warming trend) are currently working on a way to decode the hidden messages, but have not reported any progress.


No established usage for the bilingual lyrics has developed. The European Union is studying the customs in Canada, another place with two official languages where no one can figure out which one should be used for anything, and strangers usually spend the first couple minutes figuring out who is higher in the pecking order. In Canada, the options are as follows:

  • You can sing the anthem in the majority language, meaning that you live in the West and hope the minority language is just something you were forced to study in school and hope never to have to use in real life.
  • You can sing the anthem in the minority language, with your fists clenched, by way of telling the majority oppressors that secession will be on the ballot again in a few years and you're voting Ouaie!
  • You can sing the anthem in the majority language even if you live in the East, by way of telling those mouthy Frogs to get the hell out if that's how they feel.
  • You can sing the anthem in the language that isn't your normal one--but deliberately badly--or
  • Of the eight bars, you can switch to the other language for bars 5 and 6 as a sort of olive branch.

See also[edit]