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“Man who stick hand in pocket feel cocky all day.”

~ Confucious on Pocket

“Yeah man, fuck pockets!”

~ Oscar Wilde on Pockets

“I dropped my pocket!”

~ Richard Feynman on Ionized Space Crack

In topology, a pocket is a semi-bounded 3D manifold with variable internal spatial volume and (at most) one aperture.

Pockets in Nature[edit]

Naturally-occurring pockets are often found to occur naturally in pants, dinner jackets, possums, opossums, buttoned shirts, extra-large brassieres, and kangaroos. Because of the ravages of natural selection, some pockets have become highly skilled in the art of camouflage, and can lurk just about anywhere while carrying immense quantities of illegal drugs and unmarked credit cards.

Exploitation of Pockets[edit]

Pockets have been used since the beginning of time itself for the short-term storage of stuff, small things, and other crap. Empty pockets may be used for the temporary warming of cold hands and the popular sport of pocket pool. However everybody knows the main reason pockets are used is so men can ajust/play with their genitals in public without anybody noticing, or at least give men the feeling that knowone knows what they are doing. Everybody of course does.


Some organisations, most notably sports clubs, have banned pockets for fear that they will be used to smuggle in the aforementioned illicit substances.

There are also people who decide not to wear pockets for personal reasons, either all the time or only when they feel like it. These reasons can include:

  • to reassure others that they are not hiding anything illicit
  • an opinion that pockets are ugly
  • their not going well with some kinds of outfits
  • the sense of pleasure that derives from being without pockets
  • to avoid being a target of pickpockets
  • to minimise the number of things assaulters can grab you by
  • rebellion against the duty to carry certain stuff around wherever you go, most notably the ID cards they're threatening to inflict on us.
  • They're gay
  • Only trannys have pockets
  • Hitler had pockets
  • Jews will steal small change from your pockets

Some breeds of clothing have evolved to adapt to these organisations and people. Many of these breeds are most active in the summer, since this is a time when they are not threatened by millions of hands searching in vain for warmth as would happen in other seasons.

The Worst of Both Worlds[edit]

The process of mutation sometimes causes pockets to turn out completely powerless. They are then known as fake pockets. These cannot secrete illicit drugs, or anything else for that matter, and any hand attempting to enter one will receive no warmth.

On the other hand, they are just as ugly as real pockets, and they can cause police, pickpockets and the like to think you've something to hide when you don't. As such, fake pockets are totally useless.

Pockets and Cosmology[edit]

Scientists have only recently determined that the proper functioning of pockets is highly dependent on the unforgiving laws of physics. All known pocket malfunctions can ultimately be traced to the sudden failure of either friction or gravity somewhere within our universe. Also, alarmed cosmologists believe that if two similarly sized pockets ever collided, the result will be an irreparable breach in the fabric of space-time itself. So, for the love of Jesus, never EVER attempt to put one pocket inside another pocket, or we're all doomed!

Things Found in One of My Pockets One Midsummer Morning[edit]

See Also[edit]