Nicole Richie

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Nicole looking scary, as usual.

“ Thats the worst cancer I have ever seen”

~ Dr Phil on Nicole Richie

“ She looked more attractive as a man”

~ Paris Hilton on Nicole Richie

“ She is skinner than an Ethioupian Child”

~ Dame Edna on Nicole Richie

“Nicole Richie is shaped like a badly rolled cigarette”

~ Bono on Nicole Richie

Nicole Camille Richie (born Nicole Camille Escovedo; September 21, 1981) is famous for being famous, blonde, skinny (11kg literally) and beautiful. She is extremely terrifying-looking, as well as being unsafe at any speed, but luckily for mankind, cannot be seen when she turns sideways. She is the offspring of Macauley Culkin and Nicoletee Sheridan (from Desperate Housewives fame). She was born in 1980 in California when she was adopted by Lionel Richie, who ironically had the same last name as her original birth name.

She starred in the hit TV series The Whorish Life alongside fellow tramp Paris Hilton and became huge success. The show was cancelled in 2004 when Paris was found to have had sex with one of her families' pet dog/goat/cat/fish. Nicole then starred in sex tape extravaganza 'One night in Paris, with Paris, her former boyfriend, and that fat one from The Simple Life VOL.2 who looked very much like Kathy Bates but wasn't'.

Nicole Riche in recent years.

Nicole had a singing career. Her debut single "I'm Adopted" reached #201 in the official top 200 chart rundown. She was signed to S.L.U.T. record label on April 2nd 2006. Sadly, after her second single "Gee Golly Gosh, I'm Just Like Little Orphan Annie" flopped, she was released from her label, and her debut album "My Real Daddy's Daddy Warbucks, So Suck It" was scrapped, and will probably never see the light of day if we all pray hard enough. Especially after photos from the album cover shoot were recently leaked on the internet, and featured Nicole wearing Little Orphan Annie clothes and in wildly contorted sexual positions with the famous fictional orphan's dog Sandy, posing almost completely naked inside a snow-covered dumpster wearing only Oliver Twist's rags, dressed as Sunny Baudelaire and engaging in acts commonly seen in the world of Adult Baby Fetishists, and other offensive, supersexualised, and mocking orphan stereotypes creating a huge controversy between Richie and the Parentless Community Of America (PCOA). Some members of PCOA even filed a lawsuit against Richie for causing them to remember that their parents were dead, or maybe far away, or maybe real nearby.

Nicole became a poster girl for -5 dress size models. She can fit through jail cell bars and can count all 80 bones in her body using just her tongue. She is also expecting twins and cannot work out which of the many men the father is.

It is said that Nicole's sunglasses weigh two times her own body weight, and are bigger than that lunch she ate before she threw it up.If sold they could also feed a poor country for nearly three years.Her dog is triple her wieght. Nicole has consumed more drugs than all of Michigan since she was five years old and it now comprised of approximately 75% cocaine. She died in 2009 when she was run over by Gary Busey.

What Nicole Likes.[edit]

  • Adderall...and Vicodin. Mmmmm...
  • Rosie O'Donnell's magazine
  • Borat in his green swimsuit, he appears in all her sexual and non-sexual fantasies
  • Cocaine flavoured lipstick
  • the cryogenic freezing botox program.

The True Story[edit]

Actually Nicole's life is a sham. Being adopted was a cover identity. She was created by insane scientists to host a paracitic creature born of a seance gone wrong, which was implanted in the genetically-engineered baby Nicole's bones, and has grown inside of her, eating away at her body since she herself was only an foetus, and now, able to be seen visibly growing, will soon emerge to destroy mankind with its god-awful ugliness and hideous screams as it burns and shreds our planet. This is why her skinny image is due to her real body structure. And her actual name is in fact Skeletron. Beneath that skin lies her true reason for being; a super powerful demon paracite with eldrich powers from beyond time just dying to get out.

See also[edit]