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Neocons are often known for their Colonel Sanders-esque mustaches.

The term Neocon refers to a "Neoconservative", which usually implies some old white guy who believes America should be the world's police and go around intervening in foreign affairs. This brand of American politics holds the proven view that Democracy is something you can enforce on a nation that doesn't want it, while at the same time subverting your own democratic system by keeping minorities away from the ballot box. Ideologically, some claim that Neocons carry the torch of antisemitism passed on from Hitler himself in their staunch support of Israel and its right to shuffle people around like so much cattle. Neocons supposedly do this by prodding Israel to become as obnoxious to its neighbors as possible, in accordance with biblical prophecy. This is nothing more than a Jew-led conspiracy.

Core beliefs[edit]

Neo-Conservatism is the latest governmentally-inspected, officially quantified party in the United States. Historically, it has its roots purely in the South where darker people knew their place. The Ku Klux Klan, an alleged ancestor of the modern Neocon movement (although more in the way of "retarded distaff cousin" style of ancestor), often lynched black people as a means of maintaining the purity of their hideously in-bred women-folk. This ideology went into slumber along with everyone else in the late 50s until the "darkies" started wanting unreasonable things like education, housing, employment, and a say in the democratic system. As proto-neocon and original Gerber Baby Richard Nixon (aka Richard III) said: "that dog don't hunt!"

Neocons were originally named the "silent majority" by Nixon. It was so called because non-existent things are VERY quiet. It has its roots in the common people of rural America, where the educational system isn't so great and real people know better than to take much stock in "book learnin'". Through the "Neocon movement" the south indeed rose again, only to shoot itself in the foot with its musket while drunk on corn liquor again. The name of the movement is telling in and of itself - by incorporating two diametrically opposed words they evoke the double-speak of Orwell but without that annoying shade of "know-it-all" sarcasm that makes its "Cliff's Notes" all but unreadable.

They carry these beliefs into courts, where they seek to uphold the heritage of original Americans (NOT counting Indians) by opposing Affirmative Action and stopping the Gays from gettin' hitched up. Indeed, both of the latest supreme court justices, John Roberts and Samuel Alito, believed in twisting the constitution so completely that it once again resembled the original constitution which gives no right to an abortion but DOES allow slavery and claims that a "free" (i.e. inexpensive) black person's vote counts as 3/5ths of a white person's vote.

Neocons often make scapegoats out of groups when things go wrong, most notably after September 11th. This is different from more liberal political organizations, who prefer to make scapegoats BEFORE something happens. In response to the attacks, George W. Bush blamed the attack on "terrorists" and supported legislation that would be harmful to them... or more along the lines of somewhat inconvenient, since all he's made the original terrorists do is move around a lot.

Since the attack was led by a bunch of extremist Saudi Arabians, it meant an immediate land-grab in Iraq (see Bat Fuck Insane). Thousands of terrorists (i.e. somewhat brown people, anyone with names with too many consonents, and people Laura Bush may have hit with her car) have since been rounded up and placed in concentration camps. By declaring these enemies of the state "enemies of the state", he has protected good guys forever and ever and ever, and no one ever heard from the Big Bad Rabbit ever again.

Recent events[edit]

MJ Todd Schnitt & crew have signed a non-commit agreement that they never will become members or hire any interns that are liberal, homo, or lacking in support for the Iraq War. All members of the "MJ Morning Crew" must kiss the ass of George Bush, a poster that hangs under the desk of conservative and former professor of New York University in Jewistic Studies.

He holds two Ph.D.'s: one in History from Clarement Mens College where he was a closet Liberal and one in Communication Studies from the University of South Florida in Tampa, florida. He was the drug supplier to Rush Limbaugh when visiting Palm Beach with his pseudo Robo-Wife, Michelle, who reportedly is a Japanese robot designed by Honda and Acura just for him.


A typical member of the Project for The New American Century.

Some people have raised some slight questions about some of the more obscure policies of the Neocon movement (see World). Although it is obvious that anyone with questions is an enemy (see Friend), some Neocons have been patient enough with the idiotic masses to allay fears without relying on negative rhetoric (see Ann Coulter). Although it is obvious that the Neocons in general, and the Bush Administration in particular, is completely right about every and all things it has ever done in its rabid fits of altruism, some even now question the rights of a Shadow Government to place them in a dark coffin with spikes on the inside.

Although it is the policy of Uncyclopedia to take a neutral stance on all such political goings-on, we do feel that it is incumbent upon all citizens of this World (soon to be incorporated in a merger with Halliburton, Monsanto and Nescafe) to stand behind our leaders... particularly when they are about to walk off of a cliff.

But come on! Where would we be if southern white males never maltreated minorities? If it weren't for racists, there would be no Blues or Jazz.

See also[edit]