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King Elvis, pictured several years before he died on the john.

Monarchy is a relatively new form of government, dating back to the 1970s. A monarchy is a form of theocracy in which authority is said to derive from Lord Elvis Presley, and executed by His agents upon Earth.

Monarchies come in three distinct types, Constitutional Monarchies, Elective Monarchies and Absolute Monarchies. An example of a Constitutional Monarchy is Great Britain. They have had kings there but it seems female rulers are more popular and haven't gone mad. Good Queen Bess, We're Not Amusing and the er..horsey one. Elective monarchies include the Vatican where the entry requirement is that you are (A) a man with testicles, (B) Catholic and (C) Never slept with a woman - though often the third clause has been forgotten by those Popes who became dads. Absolute Monarchies were the Russian Romanovs and today, Lady Gaga.

Constitutional Monarchies[edit]

In these Monarchies, the power of the Priests of Elvis is moderated by - or even entirely delegated to - an elected body of Elvis impersonators. Although viewed with suspicion by other nations, Constitutional Monarchies tend to have excellent human rights records, with many guaranteeing both the Freedom of Burger Consumption and the Freedom to use Either the Young Elvis or the Old Elvis Stamp. Examples include Iran, Detroit and Leichardt

Absolute Monarchies[edit]

In these states, the King's word is incorrect. These states are roundly condemned, even by moderate-y-people for

  • Failing to be lonely tonight.
  • Being the Devil, but not being in disguise.
  • Stepping on blue suede shoes.
  • Allowing crying hound dogs to catch rabbits.
  • Not liking the film Roustabout.

The UN has issued repeated denunciations of Absolute Monarchy, but it is uncertain whether this fact is known in the monarchies themselves, since UN resoluusuxktions come back marked Return to Sender. Examples of Absolute Monarchies include Brunei, Chad, South Africa and Germany. The most notoriously harsh and cruel fundamentalist Presleyite country is Tennessee, home of the Holy City of Memphis.

At the end of the day the simplest method for determining weather a monarch is constitutional or absolute is to find said monarch and loudly say a suitably offensive 4 letter word. If you aren't dead in 4 seconds then you can be fairly sure that the monarchy is not absolute. (please note that this strategy is mostly used by idiots or presidents/PMs)

Prussian Constitutionalism[edit]

A semi-authoritarian form of Monarchy, its name was couiend by the game Victoria 2 which ironicly was named after a queen who ruled a constitutional monarchy.

Examples of Monarchs[edit]

  • Hello Kitty (King of Japan)
  • Starcraft (1998-2010, was crowned because this was just about the only thing north & south korea could agree on, was recently succeeded by Starcraft II).
  • Masterchef Australia (Despite not being officially recognised Masterchef has brought australia closer to being independent from Liz mk II then the past 150 years of republicanism put together)
  • Mcdonalds (Although a few pockets of resistance remain around in africa the middle east and mongolia Mcdonalds can truly be said to be the first to acheive world domination- doing one better than Napoleon, Hitler, Stalin and Alex)
  • Big brother: big brother is always watching you...
  • Stephanie Meyer: Endangering macdonald's conquest through a army of super tough vampires (although they are prone to get into puke worthy romances with teenagers and experincing brief periods of suicidal depression)
  • Oscar Wilde: No comment

Other Names[edit]

Monarchys also go under other names such as Emirates(Two Types, Drug Emirates and Oil Emirates.), Duchys, Electorates, Tsardoms, and Earldoms (Not necessarily ruled by Earl Jehoshaphat Hickey.).

See Also[edit]