Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/May 3

May 3: World Fungal Infection Awareness Day

• 22 CE - Athlete's foot is first discovered by Romans leaving their bathhouses. It is found to be easily killed by other more horrible things by just returning to the bathhouse.
• 987 - Beowulf discovers that Grendel's mom is a bitch.
• 1494 - Christopher Columbus invents Jamaica.
• 1791 - The May Constitution of Poland is proclaimed by the Polish diet, only to be promptly superceded by the Atkins Diet.
• 1810 - Lord Byron swims the Hellespont, for which he is finally awarded his silver swimming badge.
• 1815 - Neapolitan War: chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry easily defeat plain frozen yogurt.
• 1841 - US President William Henry Harrison dies of a fungal infection and is succeeded by John Tyler, a large fungus.
• 1963 - Hundreds of thousands die in global mime protests, Mimes assume totalitarian control, only to have it crushed 3 weeks later by Vin Diesel dressed as a clown. Clowns would continue to hold power for many years.
• 1987 - Robert Palmer develops an unhealthy addiction to love which will eventually prove terminal 17 years later.
• 1992 - A long-lost ship, the RMS Titanic, is found un-sunken in Jamaica.
• 2001 - The United States loses its seat on the U.N. Human Rights Commission for the first time since the commission was formed in 1947, after ordering Burger King instead of McDonald's for lunch.
• 2078 - David Beckham's chocolate flavored pants are washed up on a Mexican beach. It immediately contracts Swine Flu.
• 2134 - Angry ticks fire out of my nipples.