Lysol
Formed in 1918, the Lysol Corporation seeks to cleanse your home by attrition, and to create an overall germ holocaust, because all microorganisms are, in essence, evil.
Lysol and You
Lysol's stance is that the average home is disgusting, filthy, and germ-ridden. Your home is a cesspool of disgusting creatures, and you are a horrible person if you try to raise your children in such a slime infested dirt hole. Your garbage reeks of filth, your toilet is a disease-filled deathtrap, and even the air you breathe stinks of your rotten effluence. Why or how anyone could choose such an existence for themselves is beyond the Lysol Corporation. What is not beyond Lysol is fixing this problem. Lysol has thousands of products designed specifically to rid your house of all microbial activity, and free you from the guilt of making your kids sick, or perhaps even dead. Anyone who does not use Lysol's products must want their kids to get some kind of flesh-eating virus.
Products
The Lysol product line contains thousands of items that will help you extinguish any sign of microbiological activity and keep it that way. After all, your life and your health hang in the balance.
Kitchen
- Lysol Disinfecting Wipes: These disposable cloths are not for you. Your house is far too disgusting for this right now. But once your house is sterilized, Lysol Disinfecting Wipes will help keep it that way.
- Lysol Antibacterial Spray: Now this is more like it! Using the Lysol Antibacterial Spray Industrial Sprayer, you can coat every surface of your kitchen with chemical bath guaranteed to kill everything it touches. Be sure to keep pets away. And by away, I mean, away from your house completely, as they are filthy creatures who only serve as hosts and carriers of disease.
- NEW! Lysol Total Sterilization Fogger for Kitchens: It's like a nuclear bomb in the war against germs! The Lysol Total Sterilization Fogger is designed to emit a particle fog that will reach deep into every surface of whatever room in which it is placed. The Kitchen formula specifically targets food borne diseases and particles by stripping the first layer of cells from any organic matter it touches.
Bath
- Lysol Foaming Shower Sterilizer: When the liquid sprayed for this can touches any shower surface, it immediately foams and swells, allowing you to fill the entire area with a cleansing antimicrobial death-bath.
- Lysol Disinfecting Toilet Cleaner: Coat your toilet, inside and out, with this product to remove any microorganism that contacts it, or may come in contact with it in the next six weeks. Additionally, it cleans deep, all the way to the sewage treatment plant or septic tank!
- NEW! Lysol Bathroom Napalm: Disease and filth have nowhere to hide from Lysol Bathroom Napalm. This cleanser raises the surface temperature of everything it touches to 3000 degrees Celsius, without harming the finish!
Whole House
- Lysol Chemical Shower: Installed at the entrance to your home, this chemical shower will make sure your children and guests are completely sanitized before entering your home. With a built-in airlock that attaches directly to your front door, Lysol Chemical Shower becomes your first line of defense.
- Lysol Whole House Spray: Treating the inside of your home is just the beginning. With Lysol Whole House Spray, you can disinfect the outside of your home, too! Now we're talking CLEAN!
Goals
The goal of the Lysol Corporation is nothing short of the total annihilation of single-celled organisms. These creatures are a threat and a blight on humanity, and must be destroyed. Are you doing your part? We have the chemicals. We have the dispensers. We will fight, and we will win. But we need you!
See also
 Featured Article (read another featured article)
|
Featured version: 20 August 2008 |
| This article has been featured on the main page. — You can vote for or nominate your favourite articles at Uncyclopedia:VFH. | |