Koforidua

The garish colors of the city seal are because industrial designers found no actual pens in the desk drawer but only highlighters.

Koforidua (also known as K-dua, or KFC if you're hungry, or K-pop if you fancy a fizzy drink) is a metropolitan area in Ghana, just north of the national capital of Accra. Koforidua is the capital of Ghana's Eastern Region. It comprises North Juaben and South Juaben, but calling it Juaben would have been too easy.

Koforidua is a handy city on the way from Accra to Kumasi, if you don't want to take the direct route for some reason.

The name

The chippie at the site of the old mahogany tree

Oral tradition states that an Akan man named K. Ofori built his hut beneath a huge tree (dua). It became common for farm hands complaining of the heat to say they had to rest beneath the tree, the "K'Ofori-dua".

In modern times, anyone shirking work and making the same claim could be anywhere in the metropolitan area. That old mahogany tree has now given way to a modern high-tension pylon carrying 11,500 volts into the city. Underneath is an outlet of the beloved chip take-away, Ofori In-'n'-Out. If one is in the mood for tamales, however, that is way to the north.

K. Ofori-dua himself has graduated from mud huts to convertible debentures. He serves as Finance Minister in the government of Ghana, although down in Accra, they pronounce it Ofori-Atta.

Commerce

Koforidua is home to Intravenous Infusions Ltd., the second largest producer of drips after the kitchen sinks of Koforidua. There is a Koforidua Technical University, although it evidently does not teach techniques of plumbing. Intravenous is the city's largest employer in terms of employees who are able to hype the company by editing it into Wikipedia.

There is a new highway to Oyoko, of which two lanes bring thousands to Koforidua for business, and the remaining two lanes carry them away again after they find out There Isn't Any.

The Eastern Region used to produce a lot of cocoa, but that industry has moved to the Ashanti Region and anything brown and crumbly you get from Koforidua now is probably not going to taste good. The only remaining agriculture is that Koforidua is a good farm team for politicians wanting to break into the national level.

Tourist attractions

Lake Volta

The tourist who visits the site of the famous dua and gazes up at the pylon may wish to follow its high-tension wires to the northeast and see the hydro-power station. Incidentally, it is on the shore of a large lake, which is called Lake Volta on account of the large number of voltas that it generates to power toasters down in Koforidua. On weekdays it switches from voltas to watt-as.

Lake Volta has a lot of watta, where there used to be nothing but villages and farms. However, tourists should take care not to swim so close to the Akosombo Dam as to be sucked in and converted to electricity.

Umbrella rock

Researchers believe the umbrella rock is actually a petrified mushroom.

The umbrella rock (or rock umbrella — You know what? Let's call it the potato rain protecter) is a tourist site consisting of a rock that looks like a potato and an umbrella at the same time. If it's raining on a Friday, they use the potato rain protecter. If it's not, they use it anyway! Who cares about the weather when you have a mashed potato umbrella, huh? No one, that's who. Though potatoes do make good umbrellas.

Attend a funeral

As the capital city of the Eastern Region, Koforidua has institutions peculiar to the people of that region, especially the drivers of that region; to-wit: a huge number of funeral homes to handle the drivers who crash into stone walls, rock formations, or perhaps electric pylons. You can always find a funeral being held in Koforidua, and survivors in attendance who will welcome you provided you don't fidget or talk politics. If you are responsible for the care of that demented aunt for a weekend, you can take her to Koforidua and "kill two birds with one stone."