Tamale, Ghana

Tamale
"It's like Takoradi but with more stonings!"
Country	Ghana
Population	950,124 (projected)

Tamale is a regional capital city in northern Ghana that has nearly nothing to do with the tasty Mexican dish of the same name.

Location

Cwazy wabbit

Tamale is located in the Northern Region of Ghana. Like most other cities in Ghana, Tamale has its own language, which is Dagbani. The world's most famous speaker of Dagbani was Elmer Fudd, who said something like "Dagbani" every time that cwazy wabbit got away.

Unlike most other cities in Ghana, Tamale is swarming with Muslims. They provide a fascinating counterpoint to the city's traditional leadership, tribal chiefs who serve the Dagomba King in Oompa Loompa.

Those who happen to be in the north of Ghana find it centrally located, an ideal place to open new branches of international companies, as well as hotels and restaurants. Those anywhere else still regard it as being in the middle of nowhere.

History

Tamale grew to prominence based on being the intersection of three ancient trade routes, meaning that wherever else you were headed, you had to pass through Tamale and you might be hungry. The intersections of these roads was at the current location of the new Tamale Stadium, very near to the Burrito Bleachers.

The palace of the Gulkpe Naa was built at that junction, and residential neighbourhoods grew around it, each with a chief surrounded by a team of gossips. These were replaced by Planning Boards with teams of rule-writers and inspectors. In the 1970s, someone returned from the United States with the idea that Tamale needed its new streets laid out in a checkerboard pattern, the tourist obviously having seen old men playing the game on tables on the sidewalk. This urban design meant that no one would find himself turned around by twisty streets, provided he could count up to 1.

The checkerboard streets are in stark contrast to the city's only other feint at planning: the ring roads. There is a Second Ring Road and a Third Ring Road, but no original ring road. And the existing ring roads are not actual rings, but more like crescents, surely a nod to the city's Muslim majority. For instance, if you continue past the end of the Second Ring Road, you arrive at Tamale Stadium, and you might still be hungry. But the food vendors at Tamale Stadium in Tamale do not vend tamales.

Modern Tamale does vend many other food items, and has drawn plenty of new residents to eat them.

Government

The mayor is the one with the fax machine.

Tamale's town council is the Tamale Metropolitan Assembly (TMA). Tamale has a mayor, appointed by the President of Ghana and approved by the TMA. Parking tickets and tags to remove illegal buildings are all signed "TMA" and no one thinks it means Tamale Martial Arts — not that they are hanging around to find out.

Transportation

A motorcyclist on the Bolgatanga-Salaga road manages to stay right-side up (and fortunately, not look at the photographer and smile).

Whereas some of Ghana's more modern cities have late-model automobiles driven by foreign executives scheming to carry away oil for sale abroad, Tamale is dominated by motorcycles. They smoothly interact with cars whenever the latter have good brakes. Tricycles for hire arose during the term of President Mahama and are referred to as Mahama-Cambuus or Mahama-mobiles. They are painted yellow, even the tyres, because they are owned by the Yellow Cab Company. Mahama-mobiles are ideal for the gig driver who lacks the innate sense of balance to carry a passenger on a two-wheeler. Mahama also lent his name to the magnificent Mahama Sports Stadium (the Mahama-drome); the Food Court is the Mahama-rama. Conventional taxis are available for hire, and flip upside-down even less frequently than the other modes of travel.

Inter-city transportation is provided by municipal buses, styled "Rapid Transit" as though there were high-speed rail; also by private charter companies and offer passage, at the end of which the traveller will still be in the middle of nowhere.

The Tamale airport has the inspiring name of Tamale Airport. Scheduled service to Accra and capitals of the other regions of Ghana is provided by Passion Air. However, a competitor, Apathy Airlines, wound up its business because of lack of interest, nor principles.