Kiwi Farms

The Kiwi Farms logo. Made from real Kiwis.

Kiwi Farms is the place where babies in New Zealand come from. Unlike how in America where babies are delivered by storks, and in neighbouring island Australia, where their young are bred for boxing by the local kangaroo population and live in the mammals pouches until nine months old. Over the years, Kiwi Farms have been scrutinized by the public after it was revealed that the baby farmers working at the plant, would often bully the babies by making "funny" faces and speaking to them in an annoying "baby voice". Because of this constant harrasment, countless infants have committed suicide.

History

Started in 1976, after the New Zealand government outlawed sexual intercourse, Kiwi Farms was created as a place to grow orangic and fresh human babies for people to purchase and raise as their own child. Initally, the babies grown on the farm were grown using the owners own collection of 'seeds', but after Kiwi Farms parterned with the National Sperm Bank of New Zealand, the farm allowed buyers to submit their own 'seed' for planting at an extra cost.

Lawsuits

Mr. Hairy Harry pictured before the allegations arose.

Hairysment

The first lawsuit that Kiwi Farms was faced with happened in 2013, when Hairy Harry, the Lead Infant Grower, was accused of harrassing not only the children being grown, but also his fellow employees. Harry's lawyers claimed that this was a defamation attempt provoked by racist intents as with Harry being a full blooded Kiwi fruit, whereas everyone else were just Kiwi humans. The Judge, Judge Kiwi, who was a Kiwi bird, ruled in favour of Mr. Harry due to his own experiences of being victim to Kiwism. However, victims of Harry's "hairysment", were not happy about this outcome and hired the top assassin in all of New Zealand. That being bounty hunter Jango Fett. Jango failed his assassination though, as it turned out that Harry slept with a purple lightsaber under his bed. Jango, evidently, had his head cut off. Luckily, Jango's son, Boba Fett, witnissed his fathers death, and stabbed Hairy Harry through the chest with a gaffi stick.

Christchurch

After the 2019 Christchurch mosque shootings, Kiwi Farms was sued once again when it was revealed that the gunman was a product of their institution. They were represented by She-Hulk, who offered her services free of charge, if they allowed her to be their lawyer and film the case for an episode of her Disney+ series that released in 2022.

Much like the previous lawsuit, Star Wars was bought in as a contributing factor, as She-Hulk had to break the fourth wall continuously per her Marvel Studios contract. This time, the Kiwi Farms grown mass shooter was likened to that of a Clone Trooper. When asked by Judge Kiwi (same Judge as before, as New Zealand has a small population and most of them decide to get proper jobs) who the 'Emperor Palpatine' would be, the female Hulk lawyer likened the founder of the company to the Sith Lord.

The outcome of the trial found Kiwi Farms guilty of conspiracy to overthrow the Jedi Order and the Republic, in order to form some kind of galactic empire.