Jackalope
The jackalope (Lepus antilocapra) is a jackrabbit with antelope-like horns native to North America. One of nature's most peculiar creations, current medical science believes that it is one of the Creator's strongest proofs of existence.
The natural habitat of the southwestern jackalope ranges from Chile to North Chile to the Chili's restaurant in Carson City, Nevada. Captive specimens were first obtained in Douglas, Wyoming in the 1930s and may now be found as far west as Canada. While much speculation exists concerning its natural diet, most scientists believe its primary food source to be tequila or whiskey.
It is said that when a jackalope is frightened it will find the nearest animal or human and bury itself in their stomach.
Anatomy[edit]
Tail[edit]
You can look a jackalope in the eyes, you can judge a book by its cover, but look a jackalope in the tail, and face your imminent doom.
Many think the single most hypnotic device in the physical world to be the swinging pendulum, many others, the swirl of their waste spiraling down the toilet, but they are all wrong. The jackalope tail, cursed by the ancient gods whose names have been lost in the sands of time, is the greatest known hypnotic entrancement device. So much as a second-long glance at this twitching fiend will leave you entrapped for hours at a time, until the jackalope grows tired of your presence and walks away. The only other way to be freed from said tail is to climb the Mountain of Immortality and pluck the amaranth from the very top.
Hearing[edit]
Unlike other leporids, the jackalope has very poor hearing due to the antlers growing right in front of its ears. Sneaking up on a jackalope and putting salt on its tail is a simple matter and will paralyze the jackalope instantly. To avoid looking directly at the tail, you must approach the animal while walking backwards.
Testing for ripeness[edit]
Your jackalope is ripe when the blunt stem end smells strongly of Froot Loops, its skin is an even soft fawn colour, and when you squeeze it gently it gives under your fingertips. Do not squeeze too hard: it tickles and your jackalope will squeal, alerting the police. Punishment for possession of an unlicensed, unripe jackalope is 60 days double-secret probation and 200 hours of community service, not to include pinching jackalopes.
Lucky jackalope foot[edit]
Jackalope feet are highly sought after, as they are considered 10,000 times luckier than ordinary rabbits' feet. As a consequence, they are also much more expensive. Most "jackalope feet" available for sale are in fact rabbit feet, substituted for the real thing to cut costs, and do not provide the same benefit. PETA has condemned the use of rabbits for their feet, but they remain silent on the hunting and sale of real jackalopes.