Imaginary power
"Imaginary power" is similar to "imagination power" in that they both have a form of imagine in them and they both have the word power and in that they mean the same thing.
Science[edit]
In applied physics, imaginary power is generated by harnessing imaginary numbers, which are nominally multiples of , and using them to generate imaginary current.
Imaginary power occurs when the imaginary atoms in your brain- "fakeons" gather up to a density 1 gazillion fakeons per facial square inch. Some theorists theorize they come from Alternate Universes I Seriously Hope Do Not Actually Exist. They then achieve phony escape velocity, and can be falsely directed in whatever direction you put your mind to. (If you watch TV, your imagination will be impaired beyond logic, so you can't do this.)
When somebody with fakeons at phony excape velocity tells them to imaginarily do something, they go right to the task and imaginarily do whatever the person wants. Some people can make cakes, others can make historical figures! Just yesterday Mark Twain used his fakeons to make Oscar Wilde.
Imaginary power is more efficient than nuclear fusion, but less efficient than nyucyular fission
Proof of the Existance of Imaginary Power[edit]
The power dissipated when a current I is passed through a resistance R is given by
Note that since the power is leaving the resistor, P is negative. As R is pure real (we are considering a system without capacitance or inductance), I must therefore be pure imaginary. For example, if P=-16 W and R=4 Ω, then I=2i A.
If we supply an additional real current, then I has a non-zero real part (We could supply an additional 1A to the example above so that I=2+2i A). This means that P could be complex, or even pure imaginary. (In the example we have been using it comes out that P=32i W)
This proves the existence of imaginary power.
Engineering[edit]
Imaginary power, first defined by bored academics in at the height of the Great Depression, would seem at first to be merely a scam intended to aid the growing number of unemployed engineering professors chasing the same dwindling pool of imaginary research grants. By delivering the maximum AC current peak at the exact point where the voltage was passing through zero, the illusion of electrical research could be sustained without actually needing enough funding to buy any real, live electricity.
Soon, the potential application of imaginary power beyond the confines of academia and the quest for that "least publishable unit" worth of gibberish, that worth of imaginary "knowledge" for use in self-aggrandizement in the academic press, became apparent.
The great depression[edit]
During this period the economy as a whole was in Dire Straits, and the people of the Hoovervilles couldn't afford real electricity either. It was decided that the best project to keep them busy was the construction of a series of Hoover Dams on various imaginary streams across the continent, generating imaginary electricity to power the growing collection of imaginary appliances which were all the people could afford. Out of these Hoovervilles came extraordinary imaginary inventions, such as Salt Lake City and inevitably the Mormons, Furbys, and Al Gore.
Imaginary power took Depression-era America by storm, much to the consternation of Edison who resorted to selling direct current as a "No imaginary power here, it's all 100% real energy" marketing tactic.
All of this was to become irrelevant when news of the 1939 onset of World War 2 finally reached the USA at Pearl Harbour in 1942, after three years of vain attempts by Paul Revere to get through on horseback having failed when the horses all drowned.
General Electric was immediately drafted and told he had to fight the Hun. The power struggle was on.
Anthropology[edit]
Much to the Hun's dismay, it was soon realized that imaginary power tends to gather in highest quantity among those living from Kansas. (Nobody knows why).
Technology[edit]
With all of the nation's imaginary enemies defeated (the US never did consider Europe to be anything more than imaginary at the best of times) the last barrier to world domination was gone.
The technology of imaginary power could now be turned to peaceful purposes.
The most successful of these imaginary-power technological ventures was the creation of virtual memory for computers. A large virtual memory array powered by imaginary power costs virtually nothing to operate, yet serves as a dumping ground for all of the useless information with which computers are bombarded every day.
The Imaginary-Power PC, perfected by IBM and Apple, harnessed the imaginary power and put it to work making the computer do anything your imagination may desire.
The one exception: one cannot use the Imaginary-Power PC to do real work - only imaginary tasks. So far, the public has yet to notice the difference.
Sociology[edit]
Imaginary power has solved all of Earth's imaginary problems such as imaginary hunger, imaginary high oil prices, and imaginary reality television, but still hasn't fixed any real problems.
But that doesn't mean scientists aren't still hoping.
Economic collapse[edit]
For many years, operating an imaginary power company was a very profitable enterprise. Nominally, these companies were regulated to varying degrees as de-facto regional monopolies. In practice, imaginary power companies would stymie local regulation on the pretext that, because exists in a state between the state of reality and a state of fiction, their efforts constituted interstate commerce which could be placed beyond the reach of local regulators. What federal oversight existed tended to be in the hands of organisations such as the Works Progress Administration, which were little more than boosters for the cause of imaginary power and therefore prone to regulatory capture.
In any case, federal regulation proved inadequate as the complacent regulators typically had no real means to verify whether the billions of dollars worth of bulky μF power capacitors which the utility had purchased from captive suppliers were needed, were justified in cost, or were even doing anything except taking power from the line, storing it for a portion of the AC cycle, then reselling the same power back into the grid at an exorbitant markup to bilk consumers. Quadrature Electric, the largest of the utility-owned manufacturers, enjoyed a stranglehold on equipment unequalled by anyone other than the Northern Electric and Western Electric of Bell System fame.
Enron and other utilities made a fortune on imaginary power, with no one standing in their way. The first inklings of problems, however, arose during 2005's Hurricane Katrina when No Orleans-based Entergy Inc. realised that their imaginary power generators had been built behind an imaginary floodwall directly in the path of the storm. Market conditions became worse for the utilities during the Great Recession of 2008, where over-extended banks capitalised by shaky subprime mortgages and questionable credit-default swaps started paying their client's bills for imaginary power with imaginary money. A federal bailout placed a TARP over the failed banks and bailed out the affected utilities, while allowing the rest of New Orleans to sink and drown.
The dark side...[edit]
Some among us use imaginary power for evil instead of good. They are known as Windows users. They have caused imaginary disasters, like the imaginary nuclear explosion that blew up imaginary France in 1110 1011 A.I.C.
They've also been known to build entire virtual private networks, constructed from virtual machines. Being Windows-based, they are incapable of any real work, but continue as a virtual annoyance.
Final thoughts[edit]
“Always for good, never for evil”