Gun barrel
Gun barrel[edit]
“I'm so happy because today I found my friends - they're in my head.”
Ever seen a gun barrel? The thing about a gun barrel is that anyone can peer into it, whether it be for slap stick comedy, or just general appreciation. Some people claim to see their future in gun barrels, others think life itself can be thought of as a gun barrel, ready and loaded and full of surprises.
When a stoned person looks down a gun barrel, he might see flowers, roses, or whatever, but for those hippies with less of a psychedelic inclination, they just stuff a flower down it. Having a rose in your head is an ironic way of dying, or if it doesn't kill you can say to your mates: "I had a flower in my head." Of course, none of this is to be confused with garden center deaths, which account for about 2 million deaths per year world wide, with cases such as thorns in temple, or penis in venus fly trap. Yes, strange fetishes people have. Sadly, it's commonly known that when one loses his penis, he's gonna kill himself. But enough of the grim stuff, and how about some pleasure?
A new fetish[edit]
Some people just can't get enough of the big guns, can they? How about a gloryhole for them? In Texas, groups of... you guessed it, Texans, visit the only Glory Hole club just for guns. Oh they are a sucker for guns aren't they? It is called Bear Arms strip search and shoot club. Good fun, if you survive. Yeeeeehaaaa! Whoopeeee. "Is that ol' gun cocked fella." "Oh, I'd like a piece of the action - gun toooooo gun! Yippeeeee!"
It's expensive at these Texan gun clubs, but it's worth it because you can bring all sorts of your own guns. Automatic guns, vibrating guns... all sorts! No terrorists allowed, and no black people. Those guys just embarrass everyone and then blow up the place with their cannons. "We'll be having non 'o that here."
The shooting range is usually where people go for fun. It can really stink in there, but it's a hell of a time! You can visit the gift shop too and buy accessories like strap ons or pouches to hold ammo and guns. In one of the rooms, there is even an electronic horse that you can ride, just like a cowboy! That smells also. But who cares?
Such clubs are currently banned in all other states, due to reports of family members violating each other and kids practicing for their first time! It's all in the name of fun, but boring democrats just won't have it, will they?!
A Russian pass-time[edit]
Russia is not a very nice place to live. The men are so unhappy they constantly beat their wives, and the wives are frustrated about looking after their mutant offspring. It's fair to ask: "why should families have to live just to clear up the mess that a nuclear power plant has left behind." (What is it with plants and flowers killing people anyway?)
Therefore, to stop things from getting grim, Putin started a new national lottery known as the Russian Roulette. In Russian roulette, out of hundreds of millions of people, you are just one person. The gun goes from person to person (or a machine pretends it does on national TV), and out of six rounds one round is loaded per six people. All the remaining survivers share the cash. All you have to do is reach the checkout and put your name on the list. People in prison are encouraged to participate to get their lives back up to scratch.
The Man with The Golden Gun[edit]
The Man with The Golden Gun is a Bond film starring Roger Moaar. A generic evil man with no name finds a gun hidden away in some... err... dark place, and he plays games with it and wins loads of times, so it makes him money and he calls it the golden gun, so he paints it gold. James Bond must find the man and shoot him because... the guy is gonna do something bad with teh money. James Bond recovers the gun and famously says: "That was a barrel o' laughs." Ok, that wasn't funny, but it was totally related to this article.
Different Kinds of Barrel[edit]
Sniper Rifle Barrel
A sniper rifle barrel is usually free float, long and thin. This is so hippies can point it in people's ears and see what the heck is going on.
Double Barrel Shotgun... Barrel
You get two times the barrel in a double barreled shotgun! Someone had better do a barrel roll 'cause they gonna get hit! There aint no emotion or visions in this, just brutality!
Pistol silencer
"Would you please shut up! I don't care how many people you've killed. How many times do I have to tell you!!?"
In world war 2, the Japanese used voice synthesizers in their guns so that only the tweeting of birds can be heard. This idea was taken and used in their public toilets. Men must attach a device on the end of their cock to silence the sound of whatever it is they're doing.
Beer Barrel
A beer barrel is a strange kind of barrel because it also contains the ammunition. So how is it fired, you ask? Through a tap of course! Caution: Never get inside the barrel, you might not be able to get out! Mmmmmmm, beer.
Do a Barrel Roll!
Barrel Roll. Sorry, we cannot find information on this for the time being. It might be a temporary error. Check back later. And never forget: Do a barrel roll!
Cock
Everyone knows this barrel, baby! Well... maybe not. (pictured, Cock Barrel.)
