Forum:2015 British general election
I had an idea that I wanted to make a reality in terms of UnNews' coverage of the up-coming GE here in the UK. As you are aware it's obviously a big thing and opens many daily satirical news opportunities.
We could dedicate a small section of the UnNews Main Page, to displaying a recent news story associated with the GE (with an election themed box around it) and then have the box link to a special UnNews election page with a list of all the GE based news articles, which hopefully I (and perhaps EStop when I've asked him) will be able to produce. The page can also include a satirical summary of the main party leaders, the main parties and their policies.
I know what you're thinking, "Gee, when did Scott have so much free time?" As with many things this is but a dream and I don't know whether the motivation will pull through (I hope it will). So within the next few days I aim to write up the special UnNews election coverage page (including two news articles I have already written related to the GE) and then if I have done so, I'll ask you to link it to the UnNews front page with a GE section that displays one or two of the most recent GE news stories.
I hope that made sense to you, tell me what you think! Sir ScottPat (converse) 
VFH UnS NotM WotM WotY 18:12, March 31, 2015 (UTC)
- Assuming enough UnNews articles exist, I'm happy to help devise the best way to guide interested readers to them. Back in the days when Zim ulator was Editor-in-Chief and UnNews was garish, we had many sections, which functioned like the Front Page but were limited to UnNews articles in the relevant Category. We used DPL to produce lists of UnNews articles in that Category. See UnNews:2010 Oil Spill to see how it looked. Another method might be to add the GE to the list of continents on the Front Page, or replace one of our lower boxes with an index of the most recent GE articles and a "More...". Spıke Ѧ 18:34 31-Mar-15
Ok, thanks for the reply. I'll see if I can get anymore GE UnNews articles out in the next few days and then I'll produce the page, then we'll go from there. I could try and get Romartus and EStop involved if they're interested, considering that they both have written British political UnNews. Sir ScottPat (converse) VFH UnS NotM WotM WotY 18:46, March 31, 2015 (UTC)
- Please tag all relevant articles with Category:2015 British general election. I'll devise a Second Front Page to display them all. Spıke Ѧ 19:57 31-Mar-15
- The Second Front Page is now linked to — perhaps not yet prominently enough — on the Front Page below the five graphics and above the other UnNews portals. Spıke Ѧ 20:23 31-Mar-15
Initial assignments
ScottPat is involuntarily and officially named Section Chief of the British election coverage, with responsibility for maintaining the Second Front Page at UnNews:2015 British general election. The list of headlines at the right will maintain itself provided people put their articles in the correct category. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, involves maintaining, and eventually rotating the three (eventually up to five) graphics; instructions down at the bottom of {{Lead articles}}.
- On the Plaid Cymru article: The tendency of the Welsh to have carnal relations with their carne is officially tired and trite. Please omit it unless you can do it in a clever, new way, clever being defined as explaining in double entendres how Leanne Wood (!) in her campaign rhetoric is actually referencing bestiality.
- On the Who's Who: It will look more newsy if you phrase it so that UnNews is not so prominently proposing that what UnNews does is the news. Spıke Ѧ 20:37 31-Mar-15
TV debates
I think that we ought to write at least one article covering each TV event. I'm surprised that no one even wrote a jab a Cameron for his immaturity regarding them. Can I expect something the night of the next one? (I'm not very good at political satire personally--see my effort covering last night's) 
|(get dtf) 15:58, April 3, 2015 (UTC)
- Your newest is now mentioned on the website main page. Be sure the product gives everyone a few jabs! Spıke Ѧ 16:10 3-Apr-15
Thanks. Does it? |(get dtf) 10:31, April 4, 2015 (UTC)
- Oh, I see, the lede and the title are irony. But until the reader sees that, it has the feel of an advocacy piece and not a "news article." Similarly, I have been trying to get Jonny appleseed's new one on Obama/Utah to make its point about Obama hypocrisy with a slightly smaller sledgehammer. Spıke Ѧ 10:51 4-Apr-15
- I was surprised at how funny that article was.
|(get dtf) 12:27, April 4, 2015 (UTC)
- I was surprised at how funny that article was.
- The much-noted tendency of American leaders to spend a lot of fossil fuels telling the rest of us to live Green is a valid basis for a funny UnNews. But, for example, the adjectives stressing how wasteful the jumbo-jet is (I added a bit this morning, as Michelle often flies separately) still could be pared back — the difference between setting out items to make your reader reach a funny conclusion and tugging him there by his nose. Spıke Ѧ 16:14 4-Apr-15
Please try to make some more British GE themed UnNews
Thanks for the UnNews already contributed, however to keep this going more are needed. Sir ScottPat (converse) VFH UnS NotM WotM WotY 11:38, April 7, 2015 (UTC)
- Didn't you read? EStop has moved house and is reduced to typing articles by pressing buttons on the pay phone down at the corner. It's time for Romartus to do another. Meanwhile, the US election is heating up. (Yes, I know it isn't until November 2016, but there isn't anything better to do than conduct pretend votes on repealing Obama-care.) Spıke Ѧ 12:34 7-Apr-15
Author status
Hi, still alive! Now 27th for internet, bastards. Latest piece reflects mood on the matter however, morale remains high. Now we have unpacked i'll try to get you some more now, thank god for JD Wetherspoon. Spike, Scott this piece has no references, it was written in front of the telly. Hope it suffices, this is driving me mad! Now we have unpacked, I can try to do more and upload when I am in town. Feel free to play with it as always. When this campaign is all over, anyone know anything about gardening?--EStop (talk) 15:45, April 16, 2015 (UTC)
- A man in dark glasses once approached me whilst I was sitting on a bench and asked, "I believe the daffodils are quite lovely at this time of year, don't you?" I looked at him bemused and then, about a second later, another man in dark glasses jumped out of a bush and ran off. The original man in dark glasses gave chase. That is the full extent of my knowledge in horticulture. There's a soothing gardening programme on my local radio station that I often listen to but not listen to, if you know what I mean. SirScott 16:53, April 16, 2015 (UTC)
Just to show I have not just been watching grass grow during the campaign, check out my rhubarb! --EStop (talk) 13:04, April 30, 2015 (UTC)
- PS--ScottPat, don't discount the value of American talk radio for soothing "listening but not listening"! Spıke Ѧ 13:19 30-Apr-15
- Beautiful spot Spike, that's one hell of a pond, how big are your frogs? My allotment book doesn't mention trees, are they edible? If you want good snooze material, I can get the lads to record a couple of hours of shipping forecasts - soothing in a 1940's huddled-'round-the-wireless-during-blackout kind of way. Or just flick on the Parliament channel, they are debating Pork Pie tax this week. --EStop (talk) 13:29, April 30, 2015 (UTC)
- The frogs' most notorious endowment is not hugeness but loudness. Ewell Gibbons famously ate pine cones; I have a mind to pick them up before they sprout, but the sap doesn't wash off, and you oughtn't burn them in the fireplace because of the gunk.
- Our legislature is always debating pork, most notably right now, the Export-Import Bank, by which we give cheap loans to let Brazilian airlines buy products from American companies (that lobby, at the expense of those that do not). It's notable because deadlock through June would default to extinction rather than continued life. But my "Republican" Senator and Rep are on-board, and even my Democrat Senator favors this bit of "corporate welfare." I'd do it up right on the site but it's a bit below the radar for the average reader. Spıke Ѧ 13:37 30-Apr-15
I've seen a salad of seaweed, nettles and willow bark recommended but I am sure the lady in the article was proper mad, probably the willow bark. I've always eyed with distant interest that concept of the seller giving a loan to the buyer to buy their product. Superficially it has nice gift from the nice people written all over it, but those that should be happy are looking a bit nervous and those that have made the sacrifice are looking more than a little bit smug. A bit like when the bank sends you an un-requested credit card with a financially life-changing upper limit on it. --EStop (talk) 14:14, April 30, 2015 (UTC)
- Loss Leaders are nice, provided you don't go for overtly bad deals on the basis that "I'm already at the store." As people from Nevada and New Jersey say: "The house always wins." But Ex-Im is not the seller giving a loan to the buyer; it is the seller inducing a third party to steal from a fourth party to give a loan to the buyer. Spıke Ѧ 14:27 30-Apr-15
- Ah, which I guess makes it alright then, as there is nothing as inconvenient as a visible conflict of interest. Labour's Private Financial Initiatives did not do that. It was great on paper, as the funding and cost PFI's were not required to be disclosed to the public or appear on any budget. In the main, most of the money went on consultants, often allegedly (better put that) related closely, either by family or business, to the minister promoting the project. The computerization of the UK Fire Service was a classic, in the end it cost the taxpayer in excess of five thousand pounds per PC - and didn't work, so it was scrapped. PFI's kept Private Eye in articles for years. --EStop (talk) 14:50, April 30, 2015 (UTC)
- A knock-off of the U.S. credit-card commercial, where the tag line is, "What's in your pocket?" Back to cuisine, locals here rave about "fiddleheads," forest ferns after they sprout and before they uncoil. There are enough here for a meal, but I have never been moved to boil them up. Spıke Ѧ 15:24 30-Apr-15
- Neither has Bear Grylls, but boiled conifer would probably be a perfect accompaniment to "camp fire spider", the Scouts probably have a badge for that. In Guernsey they eat a mollusc called an ormer. It has a really small season and is "not very nice" according to a fan, but you can't break tradition. One of my previous engineers, (not Tappit) eats gannet, which is basically "Buzzard Lite". It has to be boiled for six hours and smells so bad his Mrs makes him cook it in the garage. Still beats tinkering with knackered old Land Rovers. --EStop (talk) 15:50, April 30, 2015 (UTC)
- Walmart do Peruvian sweetcorn? Impressive. The Aldi in Newmarket used to do pigs heads for two quid, which was great if you were Mafia who had just moved to the area. Obviously horses heads in Newmarket are a little bit pricey, those Arab foals go for a few million a pop, even as yearlings. --EStop (talk) 16:06, April 30, 2015 (UTC)
- I feel your pain but remember death can effect exam attendance. Tory Manifesto "The Good Life" I did start a piece on but kept glancing across at the pill cabinet myself. I will be ready to approach it again in a couple of days. Chin up, only a few days 'till we're all screwed. --EStop (talk) 19:09, April 30, 2015 (UTC)
- My UnNews will be on campaign posters. I've made one for each of the main three parties. Just UKIP, Greens and SNP to go. Hopefully it'll be done tomorrow. I'm glad you're doing the Tories, they haven't been done for a while. We also haven't done an article on the Greens yet, in the interest of fairness we ought to ridicule them as well. Manifestos bore me to death, so much political nonsense and blather. SirScott 19:13, April 30, 2015 (UTC)
Lib Dem and Green Coverage?
We've covered 5 of the 7 main parties in depth so far but it'd be great to have a news article for each of these two parties. That's one to look out for it the next few days.
At one point I was tempted to do an article on how the Christian Alliance Party and the Christian Something Else Party (can't remember) were, according to BBC News, going to form an electoral alliance. I found it quite funny how the Christian Alliance Party was now simply a sub-alliance inside a larger alliance. SirScott 17:05, April 16, 2015 (UTC)
- They sound like Crucifixion Splinter Parties. Spıke Ѧ 17:12 16-Apr-15
- That punchline! The minor politics is always the funniest. SirScott 17:18, April 16, 2015 (UTC)
- I think I can come up with a Lib Dem article. --
RomArtus*Imperator ITRA (Orate) ® 20:46, April 16, 2015 (UTC)
- I think I can come up with a Lib Dem article. --
- That punchline! The minor politics is always the funniest. SirScott 17:18, April 16, 2015 (UTC)
UnNews:Minor parties under the spotlight
Please feel free to add parties to this if you want. SirScott 10:25, April 25, 2015 (UTC)
Election predictions
Only 6 days to go until voting day and then probably 7 to go until we know how many votes and seats each party has. So it's time to make your predictions. The less informed and more biased, the better. SirScott 16:16, May 1, 2015 (UTC)
ScottPat's prediction
Labour's going to scrape more seats out of this than the Conservatives because of the people who always vote for the party that's not in government and because Labour has managed to convince almost everyone on the centre-left that real change is coming. However because of the large number of people who don't believe Labour can "balance the books" but the Tories can, Labour probably won't get a majority. In which case they'll form a coalition with Plaid and/or Lib Dems. So my prediction is a Lab/Lib or Lab/Plaid or Lab/Lib/Plaid coalition. Failing that a Labour minority or Con/Lib government again. I think the least likely thing is a Tory majority. SirScott 16:16, May 1, 2015 (UTC)
EStop's Solution
I think they should all get together have one giant party, with a bouncy castle, beer and bacon sarnies. --EStop (talk) 20:26, May 1, 2015 (UTC)
From the States
Michael Barone writes in the conservative TownHall.com today that both right and left have their respective extremist parties in this month's election. In contrast to the U.S., where there is a single ideological dividing line and no viable splinter parties, U.K. politics is relatively fragmented — and, Barone writes, much more so than it was a few decades ago. (Parliament could form a coalition government, as in fact the U.S. Congress could too, but the U.S. President must be elected by an absolute majority in the Electoral College or the decision goes into — ugh! — the Congress.) Public-school pupils who don't even know what the Electoral College is for, except to embody hatred of blacks, governed by a President with the same notation, would really hate that outcome. For y'all, I don't have a prediction, except that Birmingham will go Sharia by 2017. Spıke Ѧ 20:38 1-May-15
- Birmingham, Alabama? --RomArtus*Imperator ITRA (Orate) ® 21:00, May 3, 2015 (UTC)