Far Cry 2
“This game is EVIL! Tell your children to PUT IT DOWN! And REPENT! Before the slick, underhanded avenger of evil compels them to start ANOTHER COLUMBINE!”
“This is a game about some dude in Africa with malaria.”
“Almost as varying as RuneScape”
Far Cry 2 is the sequel to the widely popular 1986 side-scroller for the original NES, UBISOFT™ Presents Far Cry: Jack Carver's Big Adventure, which was released in 1991 simultaneously with the system's predecessor, the SNES.
Topping more sales records than everything under the sun you can imagine upon their initial release, the game and the system altogether have proven themselves to only be the biggest phenomenons of the 1990s, next to the Bill Clinton sex scandal, the arrest and acquittal of O.J. Simpson, the rise and fall of Grunge, and... well... everything else from back then, too. Additionally, the fact that separately, and statistically, they made up 50% of the world economy until the end of the decade, ultimately leading to the current recession, should prove it in itself. If you don't agree, you're either too young to have lived it, too old to remember, or just too stupid to understand the impact.
Story[edit]
You play as Pee-wee Herman, circa 1996, following his time in a mental asylum for the gruesome murder of the protagonist in the previous installment of the series, Jack Carver. After his release, the player quickly learns that Pee-Wee is just as demented as he was 10 years earlier upon killing Carver. With his main objective having already been obliterated years earlier, however, Pee-Wee is just here to release steam. And you control him on his path of destruction, pedaling his bike through the deserts and dirt roads of his new African locale, with a wide arsenal of weapons made from children's toys, that you can find scattered all around the environment from various kidnappings. You must use these weapons to wreak as much havoc as humanly possible, and empty the rage meter by doing so, to complete the game. As a reward at the end of the game for doing this, you can unlock Jambi from the official Pee-Wee Herman television series, who will happily provide you with the usefulness of his psychic powers upon your second playthrough. Be forewarned, however, that Far Cry 2 abruptly ends on the second playthrough, and there's not a damn thing you can do about it. But that's what happens when you're a mentally deranged lunatic on the run from an insane asylum. Kudos for realism!
Controversy[edit]
Being a vital part of the world economy for its time, the game was blamed over the years for every last point that Dow Jones and NASDAQ dropped in the stock market, every solitary penny that famous tycoons in a state of poverty such as Bill Gates, and Donald Trump were forced into not spending, and for that matter, just about every other financial crisis known to man, until the CIA was finally forced into eliminating both the SNES, and the game, for all of the unnecessary strife they were equally responsible for. Ultimately, however, among other thoughts and provocations, this led to another very obvious sign of controversy behind the game: the Catch-22. However, nobody has been able to locate them, and they are currently assumed to be in hiding with members of Al-Qaeda somewhere in the middle east.
Oh, and like the first game in the series, this one followed suit, and it did, in fact, also kill babies. As one research scientist from some prestigious university who refused to be identified described of one of his studies, "their poor, under-developed eyes couldn't handle the intimidating visuals, and their brains shriveled up to the size of a pea upon looking at them". This prompted a debate in congress on whether or not to ban the use of graphics in future video game releases, for some time. Until they eventually decided on the ESRB system. Which, in association with Johnson & Johnson, was specially formulated for these trying circumstances. Thus eliminating that problem.
Reportedly, as of January 2010, the game has also been linked to the rising Malaria epidemic in Africa. Millions of starving children, while covered in flies, have banded together in a public uprising against not only Far Cry 2, but all other Ubisoft™ brand games, as a result of this disturbing allegation. The most common solution to this problem, however, has been most strongly linked to late-night infomercials, regarding their sponsorship. So, if you would be interested in sponsoring one of these little buggers, don't hesitate. Please call the number on the bottom of your screen.
2008 re-release[edit]
The game was re-released for $39.99 in November 2008 on the PlayStation Store, and the X-Box Live Marketplace. It includes additional downloadable content, which can be purchased separately for an additional $9.99, which patches a few glitches, and adds the ability to acquire up to 4 exciting, and time consuming trophies, and achievements. However, to access all of the game's features, the SNES-To-PS3 Interconnectivity Device from Logitech is still required. You can most likely find this on eBay. If not, sorry about your luck.
Controls[edit]
The controls for Far Cry 2 are identical to those in Far Cry.
Cheat codes[edit]
Acquired after you unlock Jambi on your second playthrough. You must have a compatible headset attached, during this time. And you must memorize the phrase "Mecca-Lecca-Hi, Mecca-Heiny-Ho". You will need to recite this before you tell him which code you would like to activate. That thing about him being able to read your mind earlier was a fabricated lie. Anyway, the codes are listed as below:
- Infinite Health (useful in the Theater)
- Infinite Ammo (also useful in the Theater)
- Infinite Time (very useful in the Theater)
- Big Head Mode (this can be useful in the Theater, too)
Note that if you have a speech impediment, you're out of luck here, too. Jambi doesn't understand incoherent babbling. Happy gaming!