Fa Hondor

Welcome to Fa Hondor! Go home.

Fa Hondor is a large land-locked nation which lies somewhere east of Canada, and west of Australia. Fa Hondor has a bloody history of war, chaos, and violent video games.

Pre-History[edit]

Birth of a Nation[edit]

Fa Hondor was conceived in 1925 in an Alaskan bar, when Clarence Thomas van Morrison (a scrap metal dealer from Tulsa) was dared by his older brother Arthur that he couldn't start his own country. Clarence won the bet, and soon Fa Hondor became a reality.

Fa Hondor's population grew from four people to four hundred people in less than a day when the government declared the legalization of hobo wrestling. Hobo wrestling eventually became the nation's leading pastime. Three months later, Fa Hondor's population rose to 134,880 people due to the popularity of hobo wrestling. Fa Hondor's union jack was established as the official flag, and Australian Aborigine was decreed the national language.

During his tenure in office, El Presidente van Morrison abolished the prison system, founded the capital city of Missoura, and declared a new law which entitles all boys to be drafted and trained in the Fa Hondornesian military upon age three.

A Growing Government[edit]

When El Presidente van Morrison was mysteriously killed in a boating accident, his brother's friend Arthur McNabb was elected El Presidente. McNabb started Fa Hondor's Oligarchy system, which only allowed rich white land owners to vote in monthly El Presidential elections. McNabb also switched the term served in office from one month to one decade.

El Presidente McNabb wrote the first Fa Hondornesian constitution one day while on the john. It is said that the entire constitution was written on a single page of notebook paper, and only one thing was written on the entire sheet: ALL HAIL FA HONDOR. FA HONDOR MEANS LIFE. TREASON MEANS DEATH. BOW TO EL PRESIDENTE. He crumbled it up, threw it away, and retyped a longer and more meaningful constitution of his toy typewriter.

Fa Hondor's government was split up into two political parties; The Omega Squad (neo-social liberal fascism) and Unit Alpha (reformed orthodox capitalist libertarianism). McNabb was the nation's first Unit-Alphatarian El Presidente and poster child for reformed orthodox capitalist libertarianism. The Omega Squad was symbolized by a skunk wearing a funny hat, while Unit Alpha adopted a trashcan as its insignia.

Modern History[edit]

The People[edit]

Fa Hondornesians are tough, rough and savage people. They give no quarter to anyone who violates their official creeds. An average Fa Hondornesian male is said to find a mate by clubbing her over the head and dragging her back to his fortress. Birth rituals soon follow.

In Fa Hondor, and new born child donned "unfit" by the government, is fed to the Lollipop Dragon. Don't let his name fool you; He's a massive beast. At the age of three, males are sent to military service until the age of 12, when they're sent to a remote island for a battle royale. Ten survivors are taken back to the mainland and picked to become soldiers in the Fa Hondornesian military. After service in the military at the age of 25, males are sent to the real world and prompted to choose a bride. A woman's role in Fa Hondornesian society is for one purpose: To serve man.

Fa Hondornesian Military History[edit]

During the Korean War, Fa Hondor formed an alliance with North Korea, but was betrayed when the supplies sent to Korea were used to assassinate Fa Hondor's El Presidente. Fa Hondor reacted swiftly by tearing North Korea to shreds, with help from their best friends Green Lantern and Aquaman. Aquaman's ability to communicate with fish proved vital and worthy for crushing their opponents.

El Presidente Dr. Stolzfus realizes war and destruction are very cool (plus the chicks dig it), so he organizes a series of decisive battles against several nations, including East Germany, Finland, Belarus, and Lichtenstein. After the madness and bloodshed ended, El Presidente Dr. Stolzfus celebrated by having a party known as "Dancing in the Street". The party becomes so big, that the rock band Van Halen eventually wrote a song about it.

Currently, Fa Hondor is strengthening their armed forces to compete with Syria and Ohio's nuclear alliance.

Culture[edit]

Timeline[edit]

1925: Fa Hondor is founded by Clarence Thomas van Morrison. The nation was originally started as a drunken bar bet that turned into a double dare.
1929: Capitol city of Missoura (not Missouri) is established. The entire city was built on rock and roll. And concrete.
1934: El Presidente Sir Arthur McNabb is assassinated outside of his apartment. He is is succeeded by his partner Igor Straminsky.
1940: Adolf Hitler unsuccessfully invades Fa Hondor. His attack is thwarted by an angry mob of movie patrons and pregnant black women wielding shovels.
1945: El Presidente Igor Straminsky dies mysteriously of leprosy. He is replaced by his uncle the dentist, Ezekiel Jacob Stoltzfus D.D.S.
1946: El Presidente Dr. Stolzfus abolishes the current oligarchy system, and declares himself dictator for life. Poor dental hygene becomes an offense punishable by being burned at the stake.
1952: Fa Hondor sends lawyers, guns and money to the North Korean troops fighting in the Korean war. The Koreans betray their Fa Hondornesian comrades by using the guns to assassinate Fa Hondor's government. The people of Fa Hondor became outraged, claiming the Koreans drew first blood ala Rambo. A swift counter attack is soon mounted.
1955: El Presidente Dr. Stolzfus invades North Korea and destroys it. Twice.
1956: Unsatisfied with North Korea in ruins, El Presidente Dr. Stolzfus mounts an offensive towards East Germany, Finland, Belarus, and Lichtenstein. No mercy is spared.
1960: El Presidente Dr. Stolzfus is assassinated by John Lennon. He is succeeded by Reverend Keith Maniac.
1961: Spawned by extreme paranoia of ghosts (and Mexicans), El Presidente Keith Maniac organizes the construction of a 100 foot wall to surround the entire nation of Fa Hondor.
1965: The wall is finally built. Anyone trying to escape or enter is shot on sight.
Nothing happens for 20 years. Seriously.
1985: El Presidente Keith Maniac urinates on an electric fence and gets electrocuted. A Fa Hondornesian preace resistance league rallies up to tear down the wall, just in time for Bob Geldof and Roger Waters to perform a concert celebrating the destruction of the wall. Ronald Reagan makes a trip to the Fa Hondornesian wall ruins and says, "That's beautiful, man."
1986: A young shoe shine boy named Abraham Mingus wins the title of El Presidente from a Chinese raffle ticket. After four days in office, he started to play violent video games and became corrupt with anger.
1989: El Presidente Mingus goes on a killing spree in downtown Missoura, fueled by his 48 hour continuous playing of Tron and Berzerk. 95 people are killed, about 600 were wounded (at least half of the wounded were babies).
1990: Sylvester Stallone takes a vacation in Fa Hondor, but his limousine crashes into a school bus full of nuns.
1997: The entire nation of Fa Hondor is mysteriously destroyed. Everyone dies.
1997: Fa Hondor is rebuilt three hours later.
1998: The severed head of Burt Reynolds becomes the El Presidente of Neo Fa Hondor. His head is kept alive in a jar, and for a body, he has a small yellow and red bulldozer. However, due to a rupture of his central nervous system and vocal chords, his only three words capable of being produced are "I'm Burt Reynolds!"
2000: El Presidente Burt Reynolds makes seven clones of himself in order to guard the royal palace.
2002: Fa Hondor secedes from the United Nations and cuts off all ties with allied countries (as well as simple "hellos" around the holiday season).
2004: A 150 foot wall made out of lead is constructed around the parameter of Fa Hondor. Since then, no one has been able to enter or exit the country. Information at this time of Fa Hondor's current state are unavailable, but it is rumored they are planning an attack...

Fa Hondor

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