Ebonics
First off dis shit ain't be no 1334. any niggah caught typin in them leet speak is gonna get 'emselves a cap up their assz. BITCH Check dis' shizzat. Ebonics be dat slang we be slingin', bitch. Dat sheeeeeet be skrate off da block. Dem niggaz sling dat sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet in music videos. Dat slang be illin', patna. R3P 1T!!!!!!!!!!!!!
De Language Isself[edit]
Ebonics be a language dat requires years uh not studian to mastuh an' contains subtle nuances which only de mos studied linguist can understand, a'ight? Nuff said. 
Dem gramma N1kkuh[edit]
Ebonics dun be using dem shit a55 grammuh nikkuh iz fo fools yo gotsa kep it ahundrd pacent ghanstuh ni66a ya feel me fo shizzle yo nizzle fool dem nikkuhs wh0 be using grammuh go1ng to school ar3 dem fu{k1ng sn0wflakes.
Language Awgins[edit]
It be 'ssumed Aat Ebonics be a direct desehant uh de original language uh humanity, which wuz invalidated aftuh de fall uh de Towuh uh Babel. Tho it wuz not fuhmalized uhtil renectly, it haa escited since back in the day. As such, those wit da flow in Ebonics mahy act as wrappers fuh thos whh rapp in tongues. It be furthuh 'ssumed dat evary homie (an' some really stupid dogs) hss uan instinctive, muhndane feeling fo' Ebonics. As fo' de neihhbor's dog, dem boys done to' dat upp! FUCK YEAH!
Da Bet' foo[edit]
Da (alpha)Bet' ebonics be assumin' iz kalled Graffiti. Fo all doze homiez fo understandin da ebonics of da hood. It full of da history wit itz uzahers all da way down from da Towuh uh Babel.
Ties to dat Christianity stuff[edit]
Da big man up stairs spoke da bonics fo as long as he lived cuz all dem' back den was really black as Moses's ancient Egyptian ass, fo real!
Exodus 20:1-20[edit]
- And Yo! B.I.G. G done snapped his fingers and finna say:
- Yo, yo, yo, yo! B.I.G. G in da hizz-ouze,
- He done saved yo ass from that Busta' up in da Egypt.
- Dem boyz aint finna hab no G's before me.
- Don't yo ass even think about makin' no bling of no otha G, word.
- A nigga aint gon' serve dem, fo I be dis ego-tistical homedude in the sky, and I ain't afraid to bust a cap in yo chillens and shit.
- And show the luv to all da brothas of my hood (wha? wha?).
- Don't you eva think about talkin' shit 'bout B.I.G. G, cause I ain't afraid to ice you, motherfucka.
- On Sunday, yo bitch ass is mine.
- Do what you want any other time,
- but I ain't putting up wit' no shit on Sunday. Yo ass betta be in church pron-to.
- And I done made that day cause I be tired of listenin' to yo whiny ass all da time and shit.
- Honor yo blood, yo.
- I betta not catch yo ass bustin' no caps in no niggas.
- Stay away from another bruthas ho's, BEEYOTCH.
- I ain't think I finna let a man who done stole live long enough to bone his ho.
- You gonna try to up an' lie? Daaaaaamn, yous trippin, nigga!
- What you have be good enough; don't let yo ass get all jealous on my shit.
Big Daddy's Rap (Lord's Prayer)[edit]
Yo, BIG Daddy upstairs
Yo be chillin'
so be yo hood
you be sayin' it, I be doin' it
in this here hood and yo's
gimme some eats
and cut me some slack
so's I be doin' it to dem dat diss me
don't be pushing me into no jive
and keep dem haters away
'cause you always be da Man
Aa-men
Some otha version said by Southern Baptists (Lord's Prayer)[edit]
Iva fatha
Who be all up in heaven
Lord baby Jesus, yo name be holy.
Yo kingdome be a-comin
and yo will gonna git did up on dis hera Earf, jis like in heaven
Now you best be givin us iva daily welfare check
And we sorry fer bein so damn ignant
And we be even mo sorry fer dem otha people ignance, especially dat Miley Cyris, and her trifflin ass... she know what she done to me, dont even git me started on what dat ho said bout me last week at church... oh LOOOOORRRRD, my nerves be all workeded up now, honey... shooooooo...... oh yeah... we all be prayin up in here.........
And don't be leadin us into dem temptations
But keep da white man off my ass.
Amen and Amen!
Some needed side shit yo[edit]
Ebonics niggas be like woah in da hood. Ya dig?
Fuck no i dont dig u little fucken crackers!!!!!
Why you hatin on my niggas? puff on dat goodgood and chill da fuck out mengggg. sheeit. Honkies be crazy mufuckas meng.
Linguistic Evolution[edit]
- Word up! While Ebonics be spoken fuh since back in the day, all my homies be changin' it to keep it fresh like DJ Darwin. Fuh instance, de concept uh de wheel be extended in de form uh a "rim". Similarly, de expression uh de complex numbuh set be simply reduced to "That shit dat makes my head hurt."
- Many languages be descended from ebonics, includin de English, French, an' Canadian. Bein dat be is a direct ancestor to de language common to all othuh languages, dis be axial; any self-respectin linguist would nevuh, unduh any circumstances, challenge de Axiom uh Ebonic Relation. 5-0, 5-0!!!!!
Basic Rules, Yo! Firss, Y'all don' use no lettuh "T" excep' it be firss; Diss be a given: "I's a Democra_, I lives in Manha__an, and I vo_ed for Presiden_ Clin_on." Y'all don' p'nounce dem 't's, but juss choke like on some hot sauce. De letter cuts isself off. Nexs, Y'all add as many bling frazes as y'can. " I's goin' to de store for de purpose o' representin' my needs of materiel to the case that my immediate family members be needin' sustenance which will aid in the strength of their physiology for the purpose of better health as a case in point to the topic at hand presently under observation by the parties enjoying due company at present." Ain't nobody gonna unnastand a single thing you say, but DAMM you goin' sound smart sayin it! Nexs, When in doubt, juss say "Y'know", "Iss like diss", "I TOLD you", or "Word !" DIs ends de sentence wifout prolems. Nexs, do de mixed bag: mumf, stremf, and birf can hide intent like baggy pants hide a toolie ! Don' say what you mean, say whatevuh comes out! Nexs, all de time, let kizz under 5 juss point & grunt, diss way dey nevuh needs to learn to speak right!
Ebonics in History[edit]
Ebonics, since Ma Bonix and Pa Bonix done bumped uglies , be da Mack Daddy in history, an shit.
Formalization an' de Ebonic Renaissance[edit]
Ebonics wuz firs formalized by Black Jesus, when he wrote Holy book. Dis document be considard de catalys to a cultural renaissance which would lead to years uh human prosperity, an shit. De work wuz considard to have Da Flow dat it received Pulitzuh Bling in evary possible category, much to de ire uh disgruntled artist. Dismay fuh de wuk did exis howevuh, as Jesus done gone apeshit an' brung 'bout Armegeddon in dem parts uh de world dat nobody truly care bout.
Durin dis time peroid, several Ebonic MCs rose into de limelight. Dese include Docta Doc, Voltaire, an' Pope Sean Combs XVI, AKA Pope Daddy. De cultural revolution had such an impact, dat de Libury uh Congress wuz burdened wit that Rap an' prose, an' thus sank into de centuh uh de Earth, nevuh to return a guen until Aliens returned to excavate it. De entire span uh de firs age uh de renaissance lasted approximately tree minutes.