Claire Redfield
“I pissed off Claire one time, and she killed me. Then I came back and pissed her off again. And even though I was already dead, she killed me.”
“Who the hell does she think she is?”
“I'd hit that...I mean uh...glad to have her as my little sister.”
Claire Redfield (b. April 30, 1979) is a female zombie slayer from the video game series, Resident Evil, and is widely considered to be the sexiest of all zombie slayers in the entire world, ever.
Claire is the younger sister of the legendary Chris Redfield, who taught her almost everything he knows about zombie slaying (He didn't tell her about the big toe trap-door move, a secret he has vowed to take to his grave). Everything she learnt after that is all her. She is also notable for being one of the main protagonists of Resident Evil 2, was voted sexiest girl on Resident Evil, and #2 sexiest girl in the Universe (#1 went to a woman God made to keep for himself in Heaven. He has admitted that he based her appearance on Claire Redfield).
History[edit]
Claire was born in Chicago, Illinois and has one sibling, Chris Redfield, whom she loves very much (to the point in which they have a threesome with Jill Valentine) for his macho attitude and his ability to break someone's skull open just from the sheer pressure of his punches. She grew up listening to Aerosmith, AC/DC, and Metallica. Claire spent the first 20 or so years of her life studying under her brother (literally, under her brother), and these studies paid off in 2002 when Captain Obvious attempted a malicious rape on her. He crawled away with blood surging from his groin, thankful that Claire had allowed him to keep his life, although not his manhood. She attended college in New York while her brother went to Raccoon City to fight crime. While in college she bought her first motorcycle and apprenticed with several motorcycle experts, including the late Evel Knievel, to learn how to do badass tricks.
Resident Evil 2[edit]
The events that Claire experienced in Resident Evil 2 would remain some of her happiest memories, as well as some of her worst. After she graduated from college (majoring in political science and journalism), she went looking for her brother in Raccoon City. Instead she found the city overrun by zombies created by the evil and corrupt organization, Umbrella (not the thing that protects your from the rain, stupid, but a group of zombie enthusiasts). She then met rookie cop Leon S. Kennedy, another fellow ass-kicking zombie slayer (whom she fucks).
While they were driving through the city one day, a trucker who had been bitten--but who had decided to ignore it and cure it with bed rest and chicken-blood soup--reanimated at the wheel of his semi and almost ran them over. They crashed and were separated, forcing Claire to fight her way to the RPD (Raccoon City Police Department).
There she met a little girl name Sherry Birkin, who's father had injected himself with the G virus, causing him to mutate into a monster and to put an egg inside Sherry (we've all been there). Claire had to find a vaccine for the egg, and did so in a race against time. After managing to survive this epic Hollywood action-blockbuster set piece, she reunited with Leon and they managed to escape via an underground train. Claire and Leon then put Sherry in a daycare center, rented a motel room, and did things that little kids shouldnt know...until they're older.
Supposedly Leon (AGAIN!!!) reunites with Claire in Degeneration , again with some girl which they leave to the Police once the Virus is spread. Once the little girl is dumped Leon and Claire GET DOWN IN THE ELEVATOR!
Code: Veronica[edit]
Note: This article has nothing to do with Code Lyoko.
After all that shit that happened in Raccoon City, Claire decided she still needed more (it was rumored she wanted lollipops), and went to Paris to stop Umbrella from selling radioactive toys to young children. Unfortunately, the mission was an epic fail, and she was imprisoned on Barney Island, where more zombies attacked, killing and raping all the scientists on the island that nobody cares about. You'd think that after four frigging sequels they should know better than to be messing about with the T-virus.
She was released from her cell by the prison warden, Michael Clarke Duncan, and then met a hot guy named Steven. Steven fell in love with her at first sight, joining most of the male population. They escaped the island and went to Antarctica to stop some rich guy who looked like an overgrown test-tube baby from awaking his test-tube sister who would make the whole world asplode. Unfortunately, Claire was captured again, which would cue Chris to conveniently travel to Antarctica, kill everybody, and save the day, to make a long story short. Leon is given credit for eventually realising that he marked Claire's email for help as spam, and corrected his mistake by contacting Chris to save her. Sadly, Steven died, and for once, everybody cared, with the central reaction being "OMGWTF!" So much for love at first sight.
Current Life[edit]
Having been the star of both Resident Evil 2 and Resident Evil: Code Veronica (as seen above), naturally she was going to star in Resident Evil: Extinction. That was before she realized that nearly none of it related to the game, and told them to fuck off. Thus, she was replaced by not-nearly as hot Ali Larter.
Claire was also supposed to star in the video game Left 4 Dead, but was replaced after she got drunk one night and forgot to make it to the audition, allowing a girl who looked sufficiently like Claire, but without half the attitude, to take her place. Claire rejected being in the remake of Day of the Dead because she read the script and thought it was so fucking stupid that she threw up in disgust. To this day, she is still glad not to be in it, because "that movie fucking sucked dick!". She is currently in a band that consists of Lara Croft (vocalist), Master Chief (lead guitar), Marcus Fenix (drums), The Arbiter (Bass), and herself (guitar).
She was also in lesser known movies, such as Zombeo and Juliet, My Life as a Teenage Zombie Hunter, and The Misadventures of Claire and Lara Croft. She is also currently in the Zombie Slayer Club, and still enjoys killing zombies and other horrifying creatures mere moments before they conquer the entire world.
Personal Life[edit]
Claire graduated from Ozzy Osborne University. She has an interest in motorcycles, especially Harley Davidsons, and owns approximately fifty of them. She adopted Sherry as her own child, and has had numerous boyfriends including: Leon S. Kennedy, Steven(Deceased or some zombie by now..), Frank Iero, Master Chief, Phil Collins, Vaan, Cid Highwind, Solid Snake, TheArchfiend, Ryan Stiles and Price. She enjoys rock music like Linkin Park and Avenged Sevenfold. She loves to bake pies and cook in the kitchen, but it is unwise to ask her to make a sandwich, "cause she would beat that person to a pulp until only their blood remains and is that she will bring that person back to life and make him eat pig feces and rip his guts and kindeys out of him.". She also still kills zombies both for a living and a hobby on a daily bases.
The above video is what happened when Claire got drunk on Capcom's 10th Anniversary party. When she was questioned about this, she replied, "I seriously don't remember that. LOL!"
Sex Life[edit]
To date Claire has had SEX 670 TIMES!. In the Unrated version of Resident Evil 2, there are 20 hardcore sex scenes with Leon and Claire as well as the Resident Evil (Unrated) Movie DEGENERATION where (again) they have sex in the elevator!!!. That's more than Lara Croft could dream of. Besides, Claire would also go all night, hell, all week, if her man can handle it. Also, while she fucks her guy (whoever the lucky bast**d is), she still kills zombies at the same time, something even Chris Redfield or Francis (Left 4 Dead) are unable to do. Claire has been known to be able to orgasm for an hour straight as well as being able to fuck anyone's brains out (pardon the zombie pun). Claire has also admitted to be a dominatrix when she's not killing zombies but also likes to be dominated on rare occasions.
Famous Quotes[edit]
“Hey bitch, how about you go in the kitchen and make me a sandwich.”
“How about I shove your dick up your ass instead!”
“Eat this Bitch!”
“Hey zombie! You thirsty? Cause you're about to get a glass of extreme pain!”
“I'm the female version of Master Chief”
“Roses are red, violets are blue, zombies beware, I'm coming for you.”
“I'm just your average white girl trying to get through life, find a loving a husband, have kids, and shooting me some motherfucking zombies! Hell yeah!”
“I won't have sex with you, so go fuck yourself.”
“So let's meet again,somewhere more normal than the elevator,well atleast a place more comfortable place to have sex in!.”
See Also[edit]
|
The Resident Evil series
Resident Evil I • Resident Evil II • Resident Evil IV • Resident Evil V • Resident Evil: Outbreak • President Evil • Claire Redfield • Umbrella Corporation |