Camilo Sesto

Camilo Blanes Cortés
Born	16 September 1946 Alcoy, Alicante, Spain
Died	By some miracle, he is still alive. But not for long.
Nationality	Spanish, obviously
Occupation	Singer, drunkard
Known for	Being a drunk
Religion	Alcohol
Spouse	Amy Winehouse, 2009-2011 (her death)
Children	Camilo Blanes (illegitimate, born 1987)

Whoops! Maybe you were looking for Amy Winehouse?

GOVERNMENT WARNING: According to the Surgeon General, the use of Camilo Sesto impairs your ability to drive a car or operate machinery, and may cause health problems.

Camilo, passed out drunk, but with his eyes open.

“Shall we drink until our livers rot, my dear?”

~ Camilo Sesto on Amy Winehouse

“I should really stop drinking, you're starting to scare me...”

~ Amy Winehouse on Camilo's weird appearance

“Is he a man or a woman?”

~ You on Camilo Sesto's surgeries and vocal range

Camilo Sesto's only son, also named Camilo, but best known as "Camilín" (little Camilo).

Camilo Sesto, originally named Camilo Blanes Cortés, is a Spanish singer, best known for his alcoholism and that weird voice that sounds like his mouth is full of his lover. Also well-known for being thisclose to sharing a birthday with his beautiful wife and drinking buddy, Amy Winehouse. It is also quite well-known that he wears a wig, because how do you expect a man over sixty to have that much hair? Also, he has done too much surgery to his face, which frankly makes him repulsive, but as Amy was drunk, she didn't care.

His life

Camilo Blanes Cortés was born 16 September 1946, in the town of Alcoy, in the province of Alicante, situated in Spain. His mother, father and neighbors were a bunch of unemployed drunks. Supposedly, he was the sixth member of his family, so for about two seconds he called himself "Camilo Sexto" but this could have been a mistake since nobody was really keeping count. So, like two seconds later, for reasons unknown, he changed the spelling to "Sesto."

In the 1960s, he made a career out of making albums that nobody cared about. What a shame, because he used to have a lovely voice.

In 1975, he did a movie that was the Spanish version of Jesus Christ Superstar. He was Jesus, for obvious reasons, namely, that he would get to turn the water into wine. He also did all the music in this production, including one called Getsemaní (Gethsemane), in which you can hear some impossibly high pitched screams. Is that his own voice? Or are women helping him sing?

Later, in a terribly awkward song, there is a mondegreen. The song is called Amor mio, ¿qué me has hecho? (My love, what have you done to me?) and the mondegreen is in the first lyric:

“Un extraño chico me domina...”

~ "A strange boy dominates me," which was taken to mean homosexual relations.

But the actual lyric was:

“Un extraño hechizo me domina...”

~ "A strange enchantment dominates me," which is something entirely different...

With that cleared up, Camilo went to Mexico in 1987, and promptly commenced having sexual relations with an inordinately beautiful fan. Later that year, the fan gave birth to a boy, and somehow, Sesto took the child away from her. Basically, it goes like this: Camilo was like, "Sweetie, can I borrow the kid?" And the baby mama was like, "OK," and that was the end of that relationship, because he never returned the child.

In 2009, Camilo Sesto married Amy Winehouse, just after her divorce was finalized. But then she died in 2011, so now Camilo was without a drinking buddy. In her memory, he is keeping Jack Daniels in business, for it was her favorite drink.

In 2011, Sesto made what was supposed to be a comeback tour, but turned out to be a farewell tour. You see, he was running out of money... so he also decided to make a live album. It turns out that everyone who came to his last concerts just went there to have a laugh at his expense, as Sesto was drunk the whole time. Basically, he screamed a few words, forgot the rest, and unsuccessfully attempted to remain standing. Eventually he just gave up and looked for something to drink.

In 2003, he got a liver transplant, and as far as anyone knows he is slowly dying somewhere.

Some (slightly made up) song titles

See? I told you the baby mama was beautiful.

Camilo Sesto singing a duet with one of his backup singers. Two seconds later (not pictured), he breathed in her face and she became drunk.

• Algo de mí yo (something of me I)
• Yo soy así ...la verdad es para vender más (I am this way...actually it is to sell more)
• Amor, amar...(Love, and loving...)
• Un maricón no se hace así como así (A gay isn't made just like that)
• ¿Quieres ser la otra? (Do you want to be the other woman?)
• Algo más...o menos (Something more...or less)
• Sin remedio (Without remedy)
• Mierdina (Shittina)
• Déjame participar en tu negocio (Let me join in your business)
• Piel de ángel dinosaurio (Skin of a angel dinosaur)
• El amor cabrón de mi vida (The love jerk of my life)
• Vivir así es morir de amor hambre (To live like this is to die of love hunger)
• Sólo el cielo y el infierno (Only heaven and hell)
• Perdóname Perfórame (Forgive Perforate me)
• En el motel que estés, y con quien estés (In the motel where you're at, whoever you're with)
• Mi Mundo tú (refiriendose al alcohol) ("You are my world" -- referring to alcohol)
• Mientras me sigas necesitando (As long as you need me)
• ¿Quién te da más? (Who gives you more dick?)
• Tarde o temprano...me levanto (Sooner or later...I will get up)
• Ven o no voy (Come or I won't)
• Amor mio como me la haz hecho (My love, the way you have done it to me)

Did you know?

What a shame that this cute child eventually became...a dog's breakfast.

• All of his bodily emanations are alcoholic.
• That is to say, his breath is not carbon dioxide, but alcohol fumes. His urine is alcohol, his tears are alcohol, his sweat is alcohol, his blood is diluted in alcohol, and probably his sperms swim around in alcohol. Or maybe all the sperms are dead from alcohol poisoning. It is none of my business, or yours. XD
• If you spell 'Sesto' with a 'c' you end up with 'cesto', which means 'basket'.
• Unfortunately, if you add 'in' at the beginning, you end up with 'incesto', and my friends, you don't need to learn Spanish to know what that means.