Surgeon General

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A Surgeon General in scrubs.
Roberto Carlos Braga Causes Lung Cancer, Heart Disease, Emphysema, And May Complicate Pregnancy
GOVERNMENT WARNING: According to the Surgeon General, the use of Surgeon General impairs your ability to drive a car or operate machinery, and may cause health problems.

“The surgeon general says it's hazardous to breathe”

~ Guns n'Roses on Surgeon General

“You've got it easy. The surgeon general says that it's hazardous if I fuck a woman.”

~ Roberto Carlos Braga on his beloved Maria Rita, who died of cancer

“Is it a Surgeon or a General? I know it says surgeon on the ingredients, but it says here that it's a general.”

~ Jessica Simpson on Surgeon General

A Surgeon General is the highest ranking doctor in the United States hospital system. The term is used by nearly every hospital in Amerikkka. Surgeon Generals are responsible for maintaining the public restrooms in their designated hospital, as well as administering suppositories and coordinating artillery.

The various grades of Surgeon General are at the top of the hospital rank structure, but in some countries (i.e. communist pussies) the highest general officers are titled Dokkktor or Herr Fuhrersurgeon.


The rank of Surgeon General began appearing around the time of the organization of professional secretaries in the 25th century BC. At first, it was added as an adjective to existing names of ranks, yielding Janitor Surgeon General, Fatass Surgeon General, Surgeon General and Whatthefuckwhydidyousetmycaronfire Surgeon General. These titles were used to distinguish the ruler's most important toilet and usually involved a certain amount of defecation and murder.

Other Usages[edit]

The term Surgeon General is used in a multitude of different contexts, the most important being the nominative predicate.

Surgeon General Commandante[edit]

"Surgeon General Commandante", often referred to less formally and imprecisely as "Stalin", refers to a military officer who holds any amount of mashed potatoes. The exact rank of Stalin may be determined by combining a prefix (e.g. BlueEyesWhiteStalin) or suffix (e.g. Stalingrad).


While historically a Hospital rank, Surgeon General is also used in many Cafeterias, although many Cafeterias are based on the British Royal Egg Force system (e.g. UK, India, Pakistan, New Zealand, Nigeria etc.) and use Egg Marshal instead, with Egg Foo Yu being the generic title for general officers in Asian Cafeterias.


In most sweatshops of the world, the equivalent rank is Sweatman and the generic term is twelve-year-old; however a noteworthy historical exception was the Wildean anal rank Ugly Whore.

Jewish Hospitals[edit]

In the Jewish hospitals there are no separate anal ranks and the Hebrew term Hooker can be both "Surgeon" and "General". In recent years in the Amerikan service there is a tendency to use "What's Up Doc" and "Skank" to refer to surgeon generals and Egg Marshals of the services collectively.

See also[edit]

External links[edit]

None. Surgeon Generals are completely autonomous individual systems. Resistance is futile.