Sweatshop
| :::::::: Sections :::::::: |
Welcome to Sweatshop, the online retailer bringing you the very best in fashion direct from the great textile regions of Central America, Africa and South-East Asia. These are the places where the people really take great care in their work. Every effort goes in to ensuring the finest quality garments are delivered in the finest of mass-producing environments. Our many repetitively-skilled designers work their fingers to the bone for your sartorial pleasure, and they do so with love.
"But surely!" you exclaim, "Such magnificent workmanship can't come cheap!" Well, don't you worry about breaking the bank. Our prices are so low, even our workers can afford them![1]
So, what are you waiting for? Click on the links to the right and begin shopping!
Shipping
We at Sweatshop are committed to making sure that you always get your clothes within the allotted 28 days, even if it means bringing our boats into port at the dead of night when there's no one around, not even security or the police. Our importers are willing to risk their well-being in unguarded dockyards, where there could be all manner of thieves and scoundrels, just to ensure customer satisfaction. Of course, there is a small charge[2] for this service, since the fashions do have to travel a long, long way.
|
Sweatshop is a fair trade organisation. We trade at fairs across the United States and Europe. |
Of course, sometimes you really need your new clothes as soon as possible. This is where our Sweatshop Special Delivery Service comes in. For a little extra money, you can get your order delivered by one of Sweatshop's many trusted and dependable couriers, who are more than happy to drop everything and come to your country. This not only guarantees speedy delivery, but also provides a very personal touch. And it only gets more personal, as you will get the added privilege of housing your courier for a couple of weeks. [3]
Returns
We at Sweatshop understand that sometimes people make mistakes, especially when it comes to the hectic world of internet shopping (although, rest assured, we do not tolerate errors on the part of our workers. Ever). Therefore, if you are in any way dissatisfied with your purchase, then you can get in contact with us here. Please quote the reference number given on the inside of the plastic wrapping, so that we can track down the source of the problem and take appropriate action.
We will then supply you with instructions on where in the world to return your product to. You will have to pay for the return postage, but this will be reimbursed with your refund upon receipt. [4]
|
Special Offer!
Spend £20 or more at Sweatshop this week and get free[5] cake! Mmmmm... cake. |
The bit below here is unimportant. There's really no need to read our footnotes. The writing's small and will only hurt your eyes. Have you browsed our menswear or ladieswear sections yet? No? Well then go and spend your money first, before you worry about all these fine details.
Footnotes
- ↑ Guarantee is based upon senior workers promoted to chief button-sewer. Calculations also assume that employees do not spend their money on food or shelter.
- ↑ Size of charge subject to interpretation.
- ↑ Estimated length of stay may vary, depending on immigration issues. Sweatshop Clothing Ltd. is not liable for any distress or damage to property.
- ↑ Promise of refund null and void if item is found to have been tampered with. This includes wearing the clothing, opening the package, writing a return address on the package, or leaving fingerprints. This does affect your statutory rights.
- ↑ Extra shipping charges apply.
External links
 Featured Article (read another featured article)
|
Featured version: 22 October 2007 |
| This article has been featured on the main page. — You can vote for or nominate your favourite articles at Uncyclopedia:VFH. | |